I received a private e-mail from a reader, with a very valid question that I’d like to address.

Do you still feel that foster/adoption is a worthwhile experience?

My answer is a resounding – YES! But there is a caveat here. I believe in honesty in adoption. Holding information back from parents and idealizing things to parents does not do anyone any good.

I write honestly about both the joys and the struggles that we are dealing with. This is reality. It has not been an easy road, and there are days that I don’t like my kids. I love them with all my heart, but some days I don’t like them. There is a difference. I think all parents feel this way.

Some days this challenge can be very daunting, and to new parents, or potential parents, it can be extremely overwhelming. What if you get a child who is peeing in the corner of the room, food hoarding, destructive to property or other things? Will you be equipped to handle it? Probably not right away. That is why being prepared ahead of time and having a good support system in place is so crucial.

Parenting Sammy has truly been a “learn on the fly” experience. When we adopted him 8 years ago, there were no pre-placement classes. We watched a one hour video on the types of children in foster care and available for placement, but it didn’t give us any techniques on how to deal with these issues. Pre-adoption education has come a long way, and the technology of 2007 certainly gives us more access to resources.

I would prefer that parents enter into adoption prepared for the worst and get the best. With us, it was certainly the other way around. We were starry eyed optimists who thought that love and consistency would “fix” this child. We had no clue what we were getting into. We read the profile, all the paperwork, the parents’ background and thought that Sammy was a “normal kid, just kicked up a few notches.” God must have had a good laugh with that one.

With Hannah, I prepared for, and expected, the worst. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine we’d be where we are at just five and a half months after placement. While we were camping this weekend, my friends from church commented on her bravery and trust with me. They know a little bit about her background, and know what I do and the kinds of kids that I work with. They have also seen the changes in Hannah. Had I not been through all this with Sammy, I don’t think she’d have come this far this quickly. Compared to Sammy, the stuff Hannah dishes out is mild and I can let it roll off my back much more easily.

I am very pro adoption, and my car sports a bumper sticker that proclaims “Everyone needs a family- Consider adoption.” Foster children need families, a safe place to fall, and parents that love them. They deserve nothing less. They did not choose to be born, and did not choose to be abused and neglected. At the same time, I feel the system is very flawed and needs sweeping changes.

That’s the long answer to a short question. The other answer is, I believe in foster care adoption enough to say that I am not sure if Hannah is our last child. God hasn’t let me know if there are more in my future. According the Magic 8 ball, there are more children to come after Hannah. I guess only time will tell if it’s right.

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