Handling Death

This is my last blog of the month, and a rather heavy one after my previous blog today. My day changed drastically this afternoon.

I noticed last night that my sweet dog, Sienna, was not acting her usual self. When she got up this morning she was very lethargic and wasn’t eating, which is highly unusual for this dog. I took her to the vet this afternoon knowing it would not be good news, but it was far worse than I expected. They discovered a baseball size tumor. It was progressing quickly and caused Sienna to lose about twenty pounds in the last two weeks. The prognosis was grim and bringing her home for a more days would be horrible for her. My heart and my head were very conflicted, but I knew I could not simply go home and tell Hannah that Sienna was gone.

After a call to my husband, the decision was made that he would pick up Hannah at school and join me at the vet’s office. While I was waiting, I called Nancy for a “second opinion” to be sure that I was doing the right thing. After we talked I knew that this is what I need to do for the dog I love so much.

When Hannah and my husband arrived, Hannah came up and hugged me right away, then went to Sienna and hugged her. The basic explanations had been done on the ride to the vet’s office so thankfully, I did not have to do this. However, there were many more questions. Where will Sienna go? Will we take her home with us? Will I ever see her again? And so on. Apparently my husband had told her that we would be putting Sienna to sleep, she thought that meant Sienna would wake up again someday. When I explained that would not be happening, Hannah began to sob. The reality of the loss hit her hard. It is yet another loss in her life, which is why I felt she needed a chance to say “good bye” to our sweet dog. I could not take that opportunity away from her.

Right now Hannah is bouncing between sad and hyper. I feel like I’ve been hit by a freight train.

Only shortly before my family showed up did I give any thought to how I would tell Sammy about this. It’s sad that his feelings were basically an afterthought, but that’s our reality. I know he will take it hard. Sienna was a part of our family before he was. He has not known life in our home without her.

I will be taking a few days off of blogging because I really don’t have the energy right now. I know I will be spending the next few days doing a good bit of crying.

Photo credit – My wonderful dog

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