Going Public About Abuse Follow Up

Earlier this week I blogged about a radio interview that I was going to do this morning. The schedule ran a little late, but I did it and I’m glad I did.

This interview was part of a three day fundraiser for child abuse prevention. Abuse survivors are interviewed about their stories and how it affects their lives now. I talked primarily about my sexual abuse, some of the abuse my kids have been through, and what I am doing to make changes now, namely my work with ATN.

Since I live in a small town, I knew there would likely be some fallout from my decision, and I was not wrong. I hadn’t even reached my home yet, (it’s about a 45 minute drive to the radio station) when the fur started to fly, as my husband put it. I chose not to name the people that had abused me, but instead I talked about what happened, and how it happened. Since I did not give names, speculations began and people jumped to conclusions that were completely inaccurate.

I did not do this interview to gain glory, expose people or anything else self serving. I did this to help other abuse survivors. Maybe one of them will have heard the interview and will decide to come forward. Maybe a parent will see signs or be on the lookout for their child being abused and be able to stop something. I talked about ATN and our work with foster and adoptive parents. Maybe one of them heard the interview and will seek out support or find the services they need to help their child.

I did feel some anxiety about talking about my abuse in such a public venue, but I am an adult and I’m able to process and talk about my anxiety. When our kids come forward and name their abuser, if they do, they don’t have the ability to process these things. They don’t understand what they’re feeling or why. They may have been threatened to keep quiet. I know that when I was being abused, I didn’t know what was happening to me, so I didn’t have the words or understanding to properly describe being sexually abused.

I can remember having to tell the parents of the man who raped what their son had done to me. It was over 30 years ago, but I can still have that image pop up in a matter of seconds. I can remember the furniture in the room, where everyone was sitting and what I said.

I was not the only foster/adoptive mom who spoke out. In the interviews that I heard on the way to the station, there were at least two other foster/adopt moms that spoke out. They were not abuse survivors. They talked about what their kids had been through. I was the only one that was both and a survivor and a parent who survivors.

The two DJs that do the interviews do a great job of helping you feel at ease while talking about a difficult subject. I listen to their morning show on a regular basis so I knew the “personalities” of both of them, and we talked quite a bit both before and after the interview. The woman who coordinates the interviews asked me if I would come back and talk again next year. I do believe I’ll be back. Hannah will be ready to go back since she and I each got the little bear in the picture that they give out when you reach a certain donation level. We got them just because I was being interviewed. It will be a great reminder of why I do this and that we can make a difference.

Photo credit – Kelly L. Killian

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