Foster Adoption Blog

10/30/07

Foster/adoptive mom I admire - Pat

Posted by : Kelly in Foster Adoption Blog at 06:59 am , 468 words, 184 views  
Categories: Treatment foster care


Pat has been Sammy’s foster mom for the past seven months. She has been a gem to work with. We have not had any conflicts and have been in agreement with how to handle Sammy on every occasion.

Pat has been dealing with special needs and foster kids for over thirty five years. She started out as a social worker, then became a supervisor, then worked in a group home, and now is doing treatment foster care.

She has seen the progression of issues in kids. At one point when we were talking she said that the worst kid on her caseload thirty years ago wouldn’t even qualify for foster care now. It’s an incredible statement in how society has changed, and how much more damaged our kids are now.

Pat has been my affirmation and has helped me maintain my sanity. She has seen the Sammy that I have seen, and she has backed me up in everything I have said. She has lived my life and has the same thoughts that I have. This is a blessing, because I know too many parents who have had a child in treatment foster care and had to fight tooth and nail with the foster parents.

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Pat has put up with more of Sammy’s behaviors than anyone else I have met. Some days she even surpasses me.

She called me a little while ago. Sammy is headed to respite until his move date on Friday. He has been suspended from school for some very serious behaviors and has been escalating things at her house since he knows he is moving to a new home. I don’t blame her for the decision at all. The interesting thing is that she was apologetic that she couldn’t do more to help him. I don’t blame her at all. We both agree that Sammy has to want to change, and he’s not making any efforts to do that.

I am incredibly grateful to her and in awe of her. I am trying to think of an appropriate way to say thank you for everything she has done for our family, because she truly has helped all of us. Hannah treats her with respect and is comfortable and welcome in her home. I am grateful for that. She has supported and worked with my husband and me. She has tried to make life easier for us with getting Sammy to and from appointments and home visits. She has done part of the driving since it is an hour each way for us. She has taken Sammy to his orthodontic appointments without me ever having to be involved (except for sending in the payment).

I wish everyone was blessed with a “team mate” like Pat.

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Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Sandra Hanks Benoiton [Member] Email · http://international.adoptionblogs.com/
"It’s an incredible statement in how society has changed, and how much more damaged our kids are now."

This is one of the saddest, most frightening things I have read in a long time ... and I read a lot of tragic, scary things.

What is happening over there?
PermalinkPermalink 10/30/07 @ 07:10
Comment from: Kelly [Member] Email · http://fost-adopt.adoptionblogs.com
What's happening? New drugs that moms use during pregnancy. Heroin, cocaine, crack, meth, you name it. We don't know how to combat the brain damage all these drug cause. Then there's the whole FAS stuff. Even with all the education, mothers are still drinking (heavily) during pregnancy. And then there are teen girls who are hiding pregnancies, getting no pre-natal care, and worse yet, dumping their newborns in trash cans toilets, and what have you. And with 75% (or more) of the kids in foster care having been sexually abused....

You wind up with VERY damaged children.
PermalinkPermalink 10/30/07 @ 07:51
Comment from: Sandra Hanks Benoiton [Member] Email · http://international.adoptionblogs.com/
Most of those drugs have been around for ages, and alcohol has been available all along, as well.

Something else is very different. Something fundamental.

PermalinkPermalink 10/30/07 @ 08:19
Comment from: Julie Crowley [Member] Email · http://stepparent.adoptionblogs.com/
A new type of meth, commonly called Ice, has taken hold of many parts of the U.S. It is much stronger than meth used to be, and almost everyone whom has had the misfortune of trying it, has become addicted, throwing away their lives and doing whatever it takes to get the next buzz, it is quite scary.

Nobody cares about others anymore, we don't donate to the homeless, we step over them, we sneer at them and we become annoyed that we had to deal with them. There is no more empathy, no more compassion, no more goal for the greater good. We are wrapped up in the material world, spending every waking hour at work, chasing after the almighty dollar, while our children are sitting in daycare and aftercare, or running wild on the streets.

The cost of everything cotinues to rise daily, yet compensation for working fails to keep up. We have become a collective mass of just getting by, instead of the land of opportunity that we once were.

Fundamentally wrong indeed.
PermalinkPermalink 10/30/07 @ 08:36
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