I had the ability to have a young boy in my home for the weekend. It was truly a pleasure to have him here, and I usually don’t say that about “respite” kids, but he is no ordinary respite kid.

This young man is in a difficult situation, and on the attachment and behavior spectrum, he’s quite mild to me. However, to his parents his issues are big.

To some parents the issues we are going through with Hannah right now are minor, but they trip my PTSD triggers from issues with Sammy that were much larger. Some parents might have been able to keep Sammy in the house and deal with his issues, but we could not. I truly feared for my safety.

What we are able to deal with as parents varies with each individual parent. This young man admits to stomping up the stairs, slamming doors, and cursing at his mother. In my spectrum; not a big deal. If the “blow ups” don’t involve property damage I’m pretty much OK with it. As for cursing at me, quite frankly I’ve been called worse than what this young man called his mother. I’m not saying that these behaviors are acceptable, just things that are not big triggers for me.

Every parent that is looking to take in a foster child, or adopt a child from foster care has to evaluate what types of behaviors they are willing to live with, and which things are absolute “deal breakers” for the family. When we first filled out our application back in 1998, we said that fire setting and cruelty to animals were things we would not work with and we weren’t really excited about oppositional defiant disorder. God must have had a good laugh when Sammy was placed into our home. Fire setting and ODD were things we dealt with fairly early on.

As children come in and out of your house, you may change your mind as to what those acceptable and unacceptable behaviors are. Things that you thought were major might not seem like a big deal later on and things you thought you could live with might prove to be harder than you thought. If you discover that things have changed, be sure to talk to your worker so that the placements you receive are appropriate placements for your home. This is important for successful placements and is only fair to a child who may be matched with you in the future.

Personally, I think this young man is an amazing kid in a horrible situation and if he moves, another family will be lucky to have him. He has amazing potential and a kind heart. Here’s wishing every one of you an amazing kid.

Photo credit