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Our kids may not always have the ethnic background that we do, whether by race or family make up. Some of us are parenting in inter racial families and some of us are parenting trans culturally and others are parenting children who may physically look like us but have children with different ethnic origins than we do.
We can celebrate our child’s culture whether it’s a different state or a different country and it doesn’t have to be difficult or make the child feel different.
My children look like they could be our birth children, but our ethnic make-up is different. Sammy has Norwegian and Polish roots, while Hannah has French roots. My husband and I both have German and Irish roots. Fortunately for us, my mother-in-law (actually my husband’s step-mother) is Norwegian and we have incorporated different Norwegian foods into some of our traditions already.
Every culture has food, clothing and traditions that are unique. Celebrate your children’s heritage and help them to establish their identity by exploring their heritage. If you’re not sure about your child’s heritage since foster care and adoption records are not always complete, you can always do something with the state of birth, or just do things about different cultures in general.
If your child is adopted from another state, it could be taking a visit to that state and doing some exploring. Different states also have different traditions, foods and other things that make them unique. You can check out travel books from the library or have your child do research on the internet to learn about their state or country.
If your child is self conscious about being different from you, celebrate cultures by having a “culture night” at home. Rent a movie based in or about the country that you are featuring that night, eat food that fits that culture and dress in clothes from that culture. This allows your child to learn without being in the spotlight.
For example, if we wanted to know about Hannah’s French culture, the movies “French Kiss”, “Forget Paris” or Disney’s “Hunchback of Notre Dame” might be our movie features for the night. We might eat fondue or crepes for our meal and wear berets. A little corny? Probably, but your child might enjoy the change of pace. We could also learn about French Canadian culture or the French culture in New Orleans.
My friend, Elaine, takes her family to “culture camp” to celebrate their different ethnic origins. One of her children is from Indian and they did Indian camp. They ate Indian food, listened to Indian music, wore traditional Indian dress and so on. They did this together as a family, and I tell you I’m a little jealous. The pictures look like they had a great time from the oldest to the youngest. They will also be attending African camp and Russian camp so that the family gets to learn about each child’s culture.
Help your child embrace what makes them both the same and different as you.
Children are children. It doesn’t matter what color or creed they belong to. Adoption makes them a part of the family.
Blood is not all that makes a family. Love makes a family too.
Russia’s culture is fascinating to say the least. Reading up on it will help one appreciate so much more that a new family member is a part of it. There are a number of books to choose from, but some that I recommend (easy reading historical novels) are found at http://www.geocities.com/maxmakc
where samples can be downloaded.
I am a birthmother who has placed her child in the care of another culture. I know that roots are your soul and you are right the child needs to know their oun culture and the one of her new parents too.