I love the feel of a child in my arms. One that isn’t hitting, kicking, biting, scratching or spitting that is. I have been known to spend hours with a baby in my arms just because I can’t stand to put them down.

I didn’t hold my kids near enough with my first “batch.” I didn’t realize how much they needed it, and they seemed too old for it. Mackenzie got plenty of cuddling because she was a beautiful little baby. I knew she needed to be held, and I did it every chance I could. I wish I had known how much my boys needed it.

I am more educated now, and spend lots of time holding Hannah. This is known as “cuddle time” in our house. This was a risky venture when I started. I knew that she did not allow herself to be cuddled by her first adoptive mom. In fact, she did everything she could to avoid it and would resort to violence as well.

When we first started, I didn’t know what to expect. I wanted to get her to allow herself to cuddle, so I didn’t force eye contact or any kind of talking. It was simply to get her to “submit” to being held. Within a couple of days she let herself relax enough to fall asleep. Again, that was something she did not do with her first adoptive mom.

If I were to call this holding time, a bunch of people might get bent out of shape. Holding therapy got a bad wrap several years ago when a young girl died during a rebirthing session. Much has been learned since then, and things are quite different. In some cases, holding therapy meant physically holding down a child, or laying on them. In the case of the death of the young girl, it was called “rebirthing”.

This post isn’t to debate the cases that were involved or the merits of holding therapy, but rather to talk about what worked for us.

Hannah has now been with us for four and a half months. Cuddle time is an almost daily event in our house. Many times Hannah will ask for cuddle time when she is feeling emotional. Sometimes it’s just an attention getter. The motivations behind it are far less important at this point, than the fact that she allows herself to be held, and enjoys it. It’s even harder to tell who enjoys it more, her or me. Some days I have to force myself to because I’m in a bad mood, or just quite busy, but after I do, I’m glad and the look of her sleeping just melts my heart.

Generally, we do a “long” cuddle time in the afternoon where she naps in my arms and a “little” cuddle time in the evening before bed. We have now progressed to eye contact and talking, because she is able to do that. If I had tried to force these issues in the beginning, I’m not sure we’d have had the same success.

Many of our kids are not used to being held, so this takes some adjustment for them. If you make it a part of your routine, I think you’ll both be rewarded.

Dr. Greg Keck on holding therapy

Martha Welch book “Holding Time”

Photo credit- Hannah asleep during cuddle time