Nancy and Cindy have been writing some great blogs on the importance of structure for adopted and special needs children. However…….. I’m going to throw a wrench in things. I want to talk about consistent inconsistency.

When I first heard this term it was an absolute head scratcher. What the heck does this mean? It’s about providing consistency and structure, but mixing things up a little to keep kids guessing.

If you have an oppositional child, and let’s face it, they’re all oppositional at some point, your child that the price of the “pain’ is worth the reward.

EX: “Let’s see, if I take this candy bar, my consequence will be to sweep the floor and sweeping the floor isn’t so bad, so I’ll take it.”

Being too predictable can sometimes be a bad thing. You can probably all picture a situation where one of your parents was going to give you a consequence or lecture for something, and you could just about give it word for word because you had heard it so many times.

Sometimes we have to mix things up a little bit. That’s not to say you don’t give consequences for something, but rather that the consequence can vary. It still needs to be appropriate for the infraction, but not always the same.

If your child rides the bike out into the road even though your household rules say this can not happen, maybe one time it’s the loss of the bike for a day or two. Another might involve washing YOUR bike, or whatever consequence you choose, but keeping things “jumping.”

There are also things that can throw things off kilter if everyone is stuck in a bad rut. My friend, Lucy, gave me my favorite suggestion. She told me about a “backward day” where she served her kids dinner for breakfast and breakfast for dinner. She gave them candy at all kinds of different opportunities and so on. It breaks the negative cycle.

Another friend told me about giving her kids candy after a particularly “good” tantrum. She told her child he needed to sweeten up a little bit and gave him candy.

We can use ways like this to keep the structure and consistency in our homes, but not to become too predictable.

Getting unstuck

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