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My Mother in Law, who was in perfectly OK, (not great, but OK), health last week, went into Hospice yesterday. It’s a long story, but after going in the hospital for a few routine matters, went downhill fast, and now we are keeping vigil. She hasn’t eaten in about five days, so it doesn’t look good.
K’s two older brothers, (my Hubby’s first children by a previous marriage) are coming up to visit and see their grandmother. We call these children Uncle’s as they are in their thirties, and K is three, and just doesn’t really understand. We have always told her they are her brothers, but she doesn’t get it. She does remember their children – her ‘cousins’, who she wants to play with. Technically, she is their aunt. She is upset because the kids aren’t coming up to visit with their Daddys.
K wants to see her cousins!
Complicated. A few days ago Sandra, (international and older blog) commented that families can be intertwined in weird ways and the children just learn about all the relatives and how they all fit in together. (I’m paraphrasing, obviously Sandra was much more eloquent).
In keeping with this theme, K will also learn to understand that she has a sister (her birth mothers other daughter) who doesn’t live with us, but is still a sister.
K also calls Ricky, our ex-foster child, her brother, but only because he calls her his sister.
Were families always this complicated?
When I grew up we had Aunt and Uncles and cousins and sisters and friends.
Soon, (I hope) we’ll be adding a foster child to the mix with hopes of adopting. K will understand the concept of a child coming to live with us, while the mom is ‘sick’ or busy’ or ‘in trouble’, and only after adoption is certain will we be talking about a brother or sister in our family.
So, over the next few days I’ll be off line while we care for Grandma. Please send good thoughts and wishes and prayers.
Prayers, good wishes, etc. are all coming your way Michelle! We’ll be thinking about you.
Boy, when I was a kid, they sure weren’t. I only really knew about immediate “core” families — mom, dad, brother, sister, baby, grandparents.
Now, I’m often shocked at the relationships my kids end up needing to have. Birth families, adoptive families, first/second/third adoptive families and then all sorts of other relationships that we just have to figure out where to “put” for them to make sense enough for the children, huh?
Yesterday, there was a baby born. We have a daughter who disrupted her first adoption and is here now. The baby’s mother is a sister from the first adoptive home. So, that makes my daughter the “aunt”, sorta. Another of my daughters wanted to know what that made HER to the baby — if A. is her sister and she is the aunt, then shouldn’t M. be the aunt, too? Oy!
That aside, sending many good wishes for your family situation!!! I hope that turns out in the best way that is possible for her.
You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
God Bless
Lanette
Prayers on your behalf during this difficult time, Michelle!
And yes it’s complicated, even without adoption. My bio daughter spent part of Christmas break with her half-brother and ex-step-mom. One thing about these complicated families…it does give you more people to love (and more interesting family dynamics)!
Prayers on your behalf during this difficult time, Michelle!
And yes it’s complicated, even without adoption. My bio daughter spent part of Christmas break with her half-brother and ex-step-mom. One thing about these complicated families…it does give you more people to love (and more interesting family dynamics)!
I’m so sorry to read this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family- hope the love of family helps Grandma.
I feel that when one is close to death the greatest gift of all is to surround that person with Family. Even if the ill can no longer speak they can feel the vives of love and hear familiar voices with soothing words. (Remember hearing is the last sense to go.) When my mother died in my arms I felt only grateful that I was fortunate enough to be there when she slipped away. Even in my deepest grief, relief and peace swept over me when I watched the pain leave her body. This scene will never fade.