You are right that this is a “learned behavior” , so are hitting and yelling, but it is much more insidious and potentially damaging. It is also not so easy to teach them why it is not ok or how it actually is different from any other abuse, because it is a kind of violation that goes beyond their comprehension. All abuse is about power, and in a tight situation it becomes a defense mechanism. A sort of reverse “Golden rule” : I’m-gonna-do-what-has-been-done-to- me kind of a thing. As adults we understand the psychological damage of sexual abuse, we understand the mental side of it. Most children, teenagers and even young adults-(16-21) do not have the mental maturity to understand these dimesions.

In my humble opinion we as adults need to de- emphasize the sexual aspect of the abuse and concentrate on making a child feel safe, loved and to find value in themselves by positive reinforcement and by impowering these children.And we need to take all the necessary precautions to see to it that no situations can develop in which the abuse can take place.
Of couse all of this is much easier said than done!

While it is important to take precautions, it’s important, in my opinion, to not over react as well.

Lucy