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We had a permanency plan review for Sammy today. The meeting wasn’t a big deal as we have had several of these because he is in out of home placement.
Neither the social worker or I could remember if Sammy had attended one of these in person before, but I know he has attended by phone. He is allowed to ask questions and state objections to his placement. He asked if the review panel had to do what he wanted, and we said that they had to do what was in his best interest.
Sammy was very nervous about this meeting. He is in a temporary placement that he has been in several times before and he doesn’t like it there to begin with, along with the fact that he is not attending school right now because it would have been more work to enroll him for the week that he is there than the benefit he would gain from any education he would probably choose not to participate in. This translates to Sammy being quite bored because he does not really receive any privileges while he is there. He wants to move to his new placement – NOW!
During the meeting he showed his nervousness in very unacceptable manners, and in ways that are certainly not indicative of a fourteen year old freshman in high school. He was tapping the table, pushing his chair away then pulling it back, which made a scraping noise each time he did it, talking over adults who were trying to answer his questions and so on.
We were finally able to finish the meeting. We then went to a conference room to discuss the new placement, transportation, and sign all the necessary paperwork. Again, similar behaviors occurred. Sammy was nervous because the room we were in is normally used as an observation room. It had the one way mirror/window. The worker pulled the blinds closed so no one could see in, but he still continued. The worker tried to have Sammy fill out the paperwork that he needed to complete in regards to restitution while I filled out the rest of the paperwork. He even took Sammy with him while he made a copy of some paperwork and showed him the other side of the observation mirror and that no one was in there watching him. Even through this, he continued the “nervous” behaviors.
His behaviors are not unusual to foster children. Many children do not have the words or skills to appropriately convey their feelings. They have not had them modeled by their birth parents.
Katharine Leslie does a fantastic job of describing this in her books, and when she speaks. I could have chosen to take the time to “coach” Sammy as Katharine describes, but honestly, I didn’t have the energy and I just wanted to get done. Sammy is not very receptive to coaching at these moments.
If you have a child who behaves in a similar manner, check out Katharine’s techniques and try them with your child. They have worked wonderfully with Hannah.
