(This is from a phone call a few months ago)

Matthew called me today.
“I want to come over right now” he said.

My heart was already breaking.
Where was he? What was going on?

“Where are you?” I said, “Is your mommy there?”
“Can I come over” he said.

Matthew was a foster child we had a few years ago. He was eight years old, with Down Syndrome and sexual abuse from a day care place. His extended bio family all wanted us to adopt him, and we might have considered it, but at the eleventh hour his mom got clean and sober in time to see the judge. He went home after a few months.

“No Honey, I‘m busy today, Is something wrong? Let me talk to your mom”.

“Why can’t I come, why not, why not why not? I want to come over NOW!”

“I love you Matthew, but you can’t come over today, I’m sorry.”

Crying, he gave the phone to his mom.

Turns out he is fine. At home with a clean and sober mom. Thank God!

For some reason he thought about me after all these years and wanted to come visit. His mom didn’t know he had called. Somehow, he found our phone number - and just picked up the phone.

It is quite a thing to hear a child you once loved and nurtured calling out to you.

But it wasn’t a cry of help. I could tell, it was more, well, demanding, not hurt or hopeful or shy. It didn’t sound or feel like a child in need of help. It sounded like a child who wanted to put some broken pieces together in his head.

I talked to his mom for a while. They are doing fine. His mom and I agreed not to have him come over.

Then I talked to Matthew again. I miss you I said.- but you can’t come over anymore. I’m sorry.

"That’s ok" he said - "I just wanted to see if my mom would give me away again."