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While doing some research, I stumbled across a blog that is very anti-adoption and I’m not reading things into this. The author very obviously states it. The title of it was a big clue to begin with;“Legally Kidnapped” along with the fact that the author very openly bashed our very own blogger here, Lanette.
I normally wouldn’t give someone like this the space on my blog, but one of her comments was so ludicrous I had to discuss it.
The author states:
“As a final note, it is my belief that if a child is in a foster home before their parents rights are terminated, that foster parent should not be allowed to adopt that child. Foster parents with the adoption agenda are responsible for destroying thousands of families because they thwarted the reunification efforts of the real parents, who are working hard to get their kids back.”
The absurdity of this statement is overwhelming. Her contention is that foster parents actively work to prevent children from going back to their biological parents because they have bonded with a child. Yes, I have known foster parents that have advocated for children to stay in their home, but it has been because the foster parents truly felt that the child would be in danger by being returned to the biological parents.
Foster parents alone do not make the decision as to whether or not a child is returned to the biological parents. This is done by a team, which consists of many people. Any time that I have been to a meeting about any of my kids, there have always been at least six people present who had input into the decision.
The thought of never allowing a foster parent to adopt a child that they have come to love and who has lived with them is not even logical. It’s better to disrupt a child’s life and have them go to yet another home? How does this help the child? We know that every move damages a child and furthers their ideas that adults only hurt them and lie to them.
Yes, some people go into foster care hoping to adopt one of the children they foster, but I don’t believe for one second that they purposely try to prevent the child from returning to the biological parents. If the parents are following the condition of the plan that is set forth by the court, there is nothing the foster parents can do to prevent the child from being returned. A court process makes the ultimate decision, not the foster parents.
It is obvious that the writer of this blog has been through a bad process at some point, but I don’t think it’s fair to bash all foster parents because of it. There are plenty of good ones out there who have open adoptions and work very hard to help parents get back on their feet and learn how to be good parents to their children. Let’s give credit where credit is due.
Wouldn’t it be great if every parent that was given a case plan to get their children back followed it to the letter and got their children back? I know that I was told in our state that the attempt to provide services without removing the children is always the first step unless the children are in imminent danger. So if you try to provide services, the parents refuse or things get even worse and the children are removed the odds are not good for the parents completing a plan. I find that the parents are given MANY chances to take classes, get appropriate housing, counseling, etc. If and when TPR happens, the foster children have already been in a home for a year, if not longer. Why not continue the relationship? Why make the kids suffer needlessly by moving them again to a place that may or may not work? I had NO say in whether my foster kids went home. My concerns were heard, but may or may not have officially been documented, it depended on the worker. Our judge had the ultimate say in the manner.
I think services provided before removal vary greatly between place to place… I know where my son came from a therapist was assigned to the whole family at removal and worked with all sibs and bio-mom, and that made so much more logic then what goes on around here…
so, sadly I think some kids are removed from birth parents that should not be, DSS does a bad job in many cases with finding forever families and then the kid grows up with no one and nothing…
I for one have always thought, if the child is going back, what was ever the point in taking them from their parents to begin with? sure SW can’t predict the future, but would it be so costly to just put care providers, 3 shifts, in some of the homes and see if things can get better before yanking the kids out???
I had one sib set, that I myself thought should never have been removed to foster care, I had one set long term that I thought should never had been returned to bio-mom, and then all the rest needed it…
I don’t know
I have some cousins who grew up in less than perfect homes, would have been in foster care if DSS ever really looked into what was going on, and at least they still have family now that they are adults.. I have sadly ran across dozens of kids who grew up in foster care and have no one now they are adults…
I think it is a broken system, that hopefully will get improved
I have had the horrific experience of having to deal with DCYF in Nashua, NH for a little more than two year’s. My two daughter’s children were taken fraudelently and I was not allowed custody due to false allegation’s made my the DCYF attorney, which were proven false in court.
In Nashua, service’s are NOT rendered to parent’s before the child is taken. They are immediately placed in foster care, even though the real parent object’s to the placement. Relative’s are not given the option of placement.
I have just finished foster care classes in Nashua, though I do not agree with the teaching’s and was totally disgusted by what I heard coming out of the mouth’s of the foster care worker’s and their teacher’s. It was all I could do to sit there and listen to the lie’s.
The potential foster parent’s were told a child is never taken before service’s are provided. Not true. They were told DCYF searche’s for relative’s before placing a child in foster care. Another lie. They were told the Judge very rarely listen’s to DCYF. Another lie. We were told by a caseworker and a DCYF attorney that the Judge does anything DCYF want’s. It’s true, he does.
Parent’s whose children were taken, are made out to be the scum of the earth, no if’s and’s or but’s about it.If their child was taken, they either abused or neglected period. Nothing was mentioned about anyone being falsely accused. I guess those word’s are not in their vocabulary. Parent’s are so badly smeared, that the potential foster’s can’t figure out how these horrible parent’s are even allowed visit’s.
My daughter’s were told from the start, that the foster couple’s are told not to bond with the children as they may get to go home some day. Foster care class tell’s you to bond.
These people are told in class, that they will never be told anything about the parent, because it’s confidential. They will only be told about the child.Another lie. DCYF tell’s the foster couple anything and everything
about your entire family, truth or lie.
I was recently told by Probate court that I can not petition the court to adopt my granddaughter because she’s in DCYF custody.
so I signed up for foster care classes. The thing’s I heard made me sick, I just wanted to scream and walk out. Then I thought to myself, this is a way I can finally find out the dirt DCYF is feeding these people. So I’m passing on the dirt to you. One day we will win this horrible fight against the American family and DCYF will get what they deserve.
Grammy – that is horrible. Thank you for telling your story. Children are only SUPPOSED to be removed if they are in immediate danger. Otherwise services are supposed to be offered first. I know in my kids cases so many services were offered and the parents blew every single one of them.
It makes me angry that some parents taint things for the ones that could really use the services and WILL use them.
I hope everything works out with your grandkids.
In every case I dealt with we were told that 1st is try to return child to parent, if that is not possible.. then they look for a blood relative..
Maybe my state is different.. because
1st fd went to live with Grandmother then to a aunt when that didn’t work
2nd was reunited with a uncle he didn’t know he had on his father side
3rd We where told she was turned in to foster care because parents didn’t know how to deal with her. we did have her tell she turn 18 in my care but her family made it clear they didn’t want her back.. (yes It was a meeting I was there for…)
4th was taken by her older brother when he was old enough and financially able to care for her..
I met alot family members of the kids and even took one on visit to spend weekend trip with a grandfather.. He also came to my home and pick her up for visit..
yes we were told in most case why they were in fostercare.. in order to know what we would possiable deal with.. and yes we were told that the child need to bond, but also the children knew it was temporary placement.
I also hope everything works out for your grandkids Granny.. it would be my wish that all kids can be rasied if not by their parents atleast by family.. But that not alway possiable… I would rather see the kids while in limbo in a home where there is love and subport then placed in a group home and be a number.. That why I went in to Fostercare,