Sammy got braces on today. His foster mom met me there since the doctor’s office is half way for both of us. We had a good chance to talk while he was getting his braces on.

She said some things that I was happy to hear someone else confirm, and there were other things that shocked me. They were things that made me want to get my hopes up again, but at the same time I don’t know if I dare let myself hope again.

Some of the things she said were:

Sammy wants to come home. He was hoping he’d be home before school got out. He is nowhere near ready to come home and we all agree on this fact.

Sammy thinks being adopted is a good thing. His FM said that they were on a long drive and she was talking to him about one of the other boys in the house possibly being adopted, and asked him what he thought about. He said that it was a good thing, especially when you had the right parents.

Sammy called me yesterday for Mother’s Day and it was his idea. She did not prompt him. I had discussed Mother’s Day with the FM, and told her how horribly Sammy treated me on this day. We discussed whether or not we should come up for a visit since he was not coming home this weekend. We decided that I would call him so that we could still have contact, but I wouldn’t be subjected to his nasty behavior. He called me before I could call him.

While these things may seem minor, in our world they are major. I have felt for quite a while that Sammy is happy with this arrangement. We are a part of his life, but his emotional contact with us is minimal. Based on what I heard today, I was off base.

However, as parents we want to hold out hope for our kids. We want them to be able to heal, to be a part of our families and our lives. Many times our kids will sabotage things when they get too comfortable. I have had the other shoe fall so many times, that I don’t know if I dare get my hopes up that he truly wants to be part of our family.

In some ways, we become like our kids. Having been hurt so many times we are afraid to put ourselves out there. Right now I am keeping my guard up. His times home have not been stable. He is still that angry little child inside, but there may be a chance that he wants to change something. He is holding onto us, even if it is with a thin rope.

Photo – Sammy with his new braces