Foster Adoption Blog

01/23/07

Abuse, Starvation, and Love still Survives. UGH.

Posted by : Michelle Vandepas in Foster Adoption Blog at 09:23 am , 394 words, 188 views  
Categories: In the News!, Nature vs Nurture
A young man, (aged 11), is forced to set up his own abuse stage under his mothers watchful eye. He then watched as his mother tortured his two young brothers who died later that same week from their injuries.

A horrific story. I can’t even read the details as I’m too squeamish.

I did scroll down the article though to find the happy ending, and I’m glad this story has one.

He and his siblings went on to be adopted. His birth womb person ( I can’t bring myself to call her the M word) is in prison.

Jerry has given himself a new name and has gone on to be a successful child actor and dancer in his local community. He is on his way to college.




Nathan: “I wanted to prove that just because something bad happens to you, you can’t let it get you down for the rest of your life. Just because my mother abused me and killed my two brothers, doesn’t mean I have to act like I had a mother who abused me and killed my two brothers

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Nathan, as he now calls himself, hasn’t forgotten his mother. IN fact, he understands how mentally disturbed she is, and that only a truly crazy person would do those things to a child. He is more forgiving than I would be, but his comments show the power of birth family and love:


Back in Blue Springs, Nathan is contemplative.

“I’m fine with thinking about it and talking about it now,” he says of his past. “One of the things that helped me most was treating me like I was born here.”
If resiliency is a process, as researchers say, there is always hope. To Nathan, that even includes his mother.

“Even though she did all that, I would live with her still,” he says. “She was crazy. But I think if she had gotten help sooner, it could have been avoided. “She’s my mother, and I love her. And I don’t just love her, I like her.”

On a wall of his room he has taped a picture of her in her orange prison jumpsuit, given to him by Catina through a cousin.

“I plan on seeing her,” Nathan says.


Whew. If you can stomach the details, read the full story here

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Nancy Spoolstra [Member] Email · http://attachment-disorder.adoptionblogs.com/
I know this young man's adoptive mom. She is everything a mom should be, the polar opposite of his "womb person." I remember this case, too...

I once heard about a young man whose "womb person" took an ax to him, resulting in hundreds of stitches required to rebuild this teenage boy. A foster home was being sought to house him while "womb person" was in jail. He refused to travel outside his community of origin because he "needed to have an apartment ready so his mom could move in with him when she got out of jail." Blew my mind... the power of the maternal connection, in the face of horrible abuse.
PermalinkPermalink 01/23/07 @ 10:19
Comment from: Michelle Vandepas [Member] Email · http://fost-adopt.adoptionblogs.com/
Nancy, I just don't get it. I just don't get it.
PermalinkPermalink 01/23/07 @ 15:31
Comment from: Sandra Hanks Benoiton [Member] Email · http://international.adoptionblogs.com/
It often happens that victims feel resposible to and for their torturers ... most likely even more so if the source of suffering pulls the 'mommy card'.

Issuing a child from the body does not make a mother, and I'm not convinced situations like this have anything to do with the "power of the maternal connection". It could be simply the cycle of abuse or brainwashing in the POW sense, only starting a a heck of a lot earlier with victims a heck of a lot more vulnerable.
PermalinkPermalink 01/23/07 @ 20:25
Comment from: Michelle Vandepas [Member] Email · http://fost-adopt.adoptionblogs.com/
Good point Sandra.. Thanks for the comments ladies...
PermalinkPermalink 01/24/07 @ 07:41
Comment from: Nancy Spoolstra [Member] Email · http://attachment-disorder.adoptionblogs.com/
I don't disagree with you Sandra, but I have seen the power of that connection, even when it has been pathological from the get-go, or even when it was not physically available from the beginning... in other words, for some people, getting past the concept that their birthmom couldn't/wouldn't/shouldn't keep them is just a Herculean task. As Nancy Verrier calls it, it is the "primal wound." And some folks just won't go there, or won't get past it. I don't really get it either, Michelle, but I didn't face that loss... and I'm sure not saying that kids like the ax boy I described above SHOULDN'T get past it, but I have seen that powerful pull too many times to ignore it. It is very thought-provoking, that is for sure.
PermalinkPermalink 01/24/07 @ 16:11
Comment from: Sandra Hanks Benoiton [Member] Email · http://international.adoptionblogs.com/
As you know, Nancy, there's a lot of debate over the "primal wound' theory and suggest it's the "concept" of the loss, rather than the loss itself that causes problems.
Very thought-provoking.
PermalinkPermalink 01/25/07 @ 00:13
Comment from: Nancy Spoolstra [Member] Email · http://attachment-disorder.adoptionblogs.com/
It is very thought provoking. I'm not sure those of us who can look behind us and see from whence we came will ever really understand NOT being able to do that....
PermalinkPermalink 01/25/07 @ 07:47
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