I was gone this weekend for my Christian Education Lay Academy class. The topic this weekend was faith formation in the home. That’s not what I’m going to write about, but rather the topic that started our class that I struggled with myself.

Define Family.

Should be a fairly simple statement, right? No, not really for our families. I never came up with anything that I was completely happy with, but here are some of the things that were thrown out there.

Persons bound together by blood ties or mutual commitments that are sustained... more

We have all met someone who thinks that they know the secret to “fixing” our kids. I have experienced this so many times through the years, you’d think I know to keep my mouth shut.

I have had well meaning friends, overzealous family members, clueless therapists and other mental health professionals who have all told me the same things. If I would just love Sammy more, use star and sticker charts to reward his success, let the “little” things go (my mother thought stealing was a little thing) and so on.

I have spent years defending my parenting decisions,... more

This one was a new one for me. I had never heard of this kind of therapy and it had never been suggested for Sammy’s until his now former foster dad brought it up to me the other night.

Since I didn’t know anything about it, I did what I always do:

1) Research it. 2) Ask my friends about it.

Of all the people that I know who use different types of therapy for their kids, there was only one who was using this type of treatment for the child.

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is vastly different from traditional, or cognitive, therapy.... more

We had a permanency plan review for Sammy today. The meeting wasn’t a big deal as we have had several of these because he is in out of home placement.

Neither the social worker or I could remember if Sammy had attended one of these in person before, but I know he has attended by phone. He is allowed to ask questions and state objections to his placement. He asked if the review panel had to do what he wanted, and we said that they had to do what was in his best interest.

Sammy... more

I am excited to announce that the tentative schedule for the Attachment & Trauma Network Conference is up on the website. It’s going to be a fantastic conference!

If you’ve never attended a conference full of foster and adoptive parents, you are in for a real treat. It is amazing to be in a room full of people who are dealing with the same joys and struggles as you are. The conversations that take place are like nowhere else you will ever be.

The conference has several wonderful presenters, an incredible... more

There will be times during your adoption journey where you will feel overwhelmed and ready to just give up or curl up in a ball and cry. That’s basically how I’m feeling right now.

My feelings right now are due in great part to the uncertainty of Sammy’s placement. We have a permanency plan meeting tomorrow where we discuss the next six months of Sammy’s placement and he is being “interviewed” in the morning to find out if he will be accepted into the program that we all want him in. Interestingly, he asked if his former foster parents would be there. I told him... more

Every parent has been the “victim” of triangulation at some point. You’ve probably done it yourself. Mom said no so you want to dad and asked him, hoping that he would say yes. Then mom and dad found out what you had done and you got in trouble. Does any of this ring a bell?

With our kids the “game” is much more serious than this. Sometimes they will tell a teacher that mom and dad don’t feed them or that they are left alone. It can result in a child abuse investigation.

We have played the game with Sammy all these years, and even while he has... more

The sermon in church today was about God watching us and His love being never ending. Our pastor talked about Him seeing what’s inside of us and she used a geode as one example. On the outside it looks like a rock, but on the inside it is full of beautiful crystals, but you have to know to open it up.

This got me to thinking about our kids. What’s on the inside? Many of our kids present a very and sometimes downright ugly (attitude wise) behavior. The old defense mechanism of acting like a porcupine so that no one gets too close. But what if we take the... more

There are two heartwarming stories in the news right now, and it’s nice to see foster parents be recognized.

In the first story out of Warwick, Rhode Island, a couple “won” the opportunity to have their house re-done on the T.V. show “Extreme Makeover Home Edition.” Personally, I have always wished they would come to my house, but it’s nice to see foster parents get this great reward.

The... more

I started back to counseling yesterday. The recent events with Sammy have triggered some major PTSD issues with me, and I need to deal with them in order to be a good mom or wife, much less friend or person.

One of the questions she asked me was “What do you do for fun?” I rattled off a list of things that I’m involved in expecting that to answer her question. She then asked me another question “What do you do outside of your house or church?”

I had to think about that for a while and... more