Love Changes Things

January 11th, 2013

DSCN7281Yesterday Dear Hubby and I met with The Captain's attachment therapist.  Between the three of us, we have decided to suspend his therapy for now.  I can hardly believe I am writing these words! Sometime around Thanksgiving, I realized The Captain is definitely attached to me.  He makes regular eye contact, he looks at me when he is uncertain, he runs to meet me off the bus, he's a love bug.  Over the holidays, he showed a lot of affection to Daddy, too, which is new for him. While he still has issues to deal with in therapy, we are postponing those until he is better at talking.  He has symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) but we really need him to talk… [more]

Progress

November 28th, 2012

The Captain first day 2012If you follow my blog, you'll recognize that The Captain has the most "school type" issues.  He's often very well behaved at school; it's the learning issues we are working through.  Surprisingly, his PTSD and attachment issues seem to be okay in this environment; I think the big difference between the last two years and this is that he isn't attached to this teacher and so doesn't feel so threatened by the attention she pays to other kids.  Having a class 3 times larger clearly helps; all in all, behavior-wise, it's going well. He has what can best be described as "un-diagnosed learning issues."  We spend a lot of time at doctors and taking tests but most of the… [more]

The Child is Adopted Now…

April 23rd, 2012
Posted By: on Foster Adoption

1062449_sad_snot-nosed_kidThere is so much that goes into a foster/adoption situation. Those of you are currently living this know the mass amount of time and effort that must be dedicated in order to ensure a child's success. This is magnified when a child comes out of the foster care system because of the lack of stability that has permeated the child's life. As someone who has never been adopted, I might have been tempted to say, "Hey, the child is adopted now- what seems to be the issue? Surely they can move on with their life." If only it was that easy. Many children who have been in the foster care system before they are adopted struggle for long periods of their lives (if… [more]

Space Invaders

January 29th, 2012
Posted By: on Foster Adoption

1198017_silhouetteI had to laugh as I entitled this particular blog. It made it sound like I was dealing here is aliens and though sometimes I feel that way- today is not one of those days. I am dealing with teens though and the space invasion that seems to follow along with raising them. Here is an example, I am baking today because the wind chill is below zero and I am cold. I am trying to do that in the kitchen but everyone seems to need something right now. I have children at every turn in here and finally had to kick them all out (no, not outside in the cold. Just out of my personal space.) I think that is probably the… [more]

Food on the Table

January 21st, 2012
Posted By: on Foster Adoption

1367904_old_tractorThe sun is shining in the window, the kids are all cleaning their rooms and I am sitting in silence and blogging- I think that it is going to be a great day! I can not tell you how much I love the slow Saturdays in the winter. They happen so rarely the rest of the year that I hold tight to the ones I have. My husband is a farmer. He is up at the crack of dawn and home at dusk- 10 months of the year. The kids look forward to the other 2 months with great plans. This is a way of life for them. They know that their father will not make every sporting event and 4-H activity. I… [more]

The Captain, Soaring

January 5th, 2012

DSCN4750Well, our second Christmas season with "the Littles" is officially over.  It was a very good year. Last year, we had to limit our visitors and our visits; our traumatized little ones just couldn't tolerate strangers or too many new people in our home.  The Captain, now 4, had the hardest time.  Although he was not yet 3 when he came here, we were his 6th move.  The closest thing he had to an attachment was his birth-mother whom he had seen once a week for an hour most of his life.  New people scared him.  Visitors scared him.  A change in routine - frightening. It's a whole new world this year.  We tested the kids out by taking them to our in-laws for… [more]

Changing the World

December 28th, 2011
Posted By: on Foster Adoption

933636_happy_friendsI know that I blogged here yesterday but I have a little of catch-up to play because of the holidays. So here I am again. I am sitting at that same little table with the red chair- Yeah, I don't get out much. Unless you count running children from Point A to Point B and back again. Then I think I might qualify as getting out too much! I have been doing a lot of thinking about relationships. I believe that relationships are at the heart of what I am doing in and with my life. What a hard thing to develop- especially with teens. Wow! I think that my household has gone crazy. We now have two 13 year olds (both will… [more]

Gaining Perspective

December 1st, 2011

umbrella kids vintage image -graphicsfairy004a In a conversation with our new attachment therapist yesterday, the light-bulb came on.  You know that experience;  all of a sudden it's as if a bell rings and a bright light comes on in the room and you finally get it, whatever "it" is. The lightbulb moment for me came in two strokes: Firstly, I don't have one child with attachment issues, I have two.  Both The Captain and Tinker have attachment issues and of course they do!  I think we so often focus on The Captain's obvious issues that Tink's less dramatic ones are more easily accommodated.  (For more on these two beautiful people, see my recent post introducing the family). I am a little shocked that this… [more]

Creativity Tested

November 14th, 2011

TheCaptain first day of school Captain is pushing the boundaries of my creativity.  With attachment disorder, the most effective discipline seems to be the one he does not expect.  I have tried being very kind and understanding, being gruff, being firm but loving, thinking up creative "love and logic" type consequences, involving Daddy as Enforcer, hard work;  you name it, I've employed it.  He is just more creative than I am. Until this weekend, this marvelous 4-1/2-year-old has been pretty controlled at home.  He has been completely pushing the limits at school (a language development Pre-K) but not here.  On Thursday, the whole thing flipped on its ear. I got a call from Teacher, "The Captain drew on my story-time rug with an… [more]

Tin Man

November 2nd, 2011

tin man sweet face I love this picture of our 4-year old, fondly referred to as "The Captain."  It's not just that he looks so cute in his costume; it's this particular expression that shows he knows he's cute.  I love this because it is new . . . and thrilling. The Captain and his siblings have been with us for about 20 months and for most of that time, "tin man" was an apt representation of him.  He had two main modes:  fit and not-fit.  The rest of the time, he face was, well, placid.  We could see in his eyes that he was "in there."  We got occasional flashes of smiles, many of those directed at his siblings.  He was soldier-like in… [more]