Today Sammy turns 14. This is the second year in a row that he has not spent his birthday at home. Last year he was in a residential treatment center and my husband and I were working at the ATN conference. This year he is in a treatment foster home, and due to some dangerous behaviors on his last home pass, we will not bring him home for the weekend.

It’s not going to be the most fun birthday for him. We are having our monthly team meeting today. We will discuss his behaviors, therapies, etc.... more

Tomorrow our church has the biggest fund raiser of the year. Every year we have a church picnic where anyone in the community is welcome to come and have hamburgers, brats and hot dogs. We have done this for several years. This year we are adding both a live and silent auction.

Getting ready for this takes much time and energy, and of course, volunteer work. We have worked at this function, in some form, virtually every year. My kids work as well. Yesterday Hannah and I were at church separating the things... more

Now, before you get upset with me, I am not comparing being a grandparent with special needs parenting.

Let me tell you how this topic evolved. Last night I was talking to my father-in-law for Father’s Day. He asked about Sammy’s birthday and what to do for him. They do not have an address or phone number for where he is, so they wanted to know how to get something to him, and what would be appropriate for him given the current circumstances. The longing and questions in his voice were very apparent to me.

We... more

I had dinner on Sunday night with some friends. Two of them I have known through the cyber world and in person for a couple of years now. The other was a couple that I met in person for the first time. I have known the mom as a cyber friend for about a year, and had never talked with her husband. We had a great time at dinner.

However, I watched my new friend struggle. She is working on one of the hard questions in parenting, and especially in dealing with difficult children. Do you love your child? She feels that... more

As I mentioned in my “And we’re off” blog, Hannah and I are camping, and my husband is in Las Vegas for a conference. When we return home, he will still be gone. He won’t return until late Wednesday night and will leave for another meeting in Illinois on Thursday, so Hannah won’t have seen Daddy for a week. I have no idea how she’ll deal with this.

With Sammy, this was always something I had dreaded. His violent and confrontational behavior always increased during... more

Memorial Day is a day to remember those gone before us, and to give thanks to all our service men and women. I am extremely grateful for those who serve(d) in the armed forces, and I do thank them.

My thoughts today are not on relatives who are gone, but instead on my son. After yesterday’s disaster, we are still providing line of sight supervision and I am angry about it. I am angry about what was planned to be a very fun family weekend. We were going... more

A couple of years ago, when Sammy reached the legal chronological age, my father signed him up for hunter safety and ATV safety courses, without my knowledge or consent. My father teaches these classes, and wants to do these things with Sammy. His justification was that it would boost Sammy’s self-esteem. HUH? Teaching my violent Bi-Polar child how to shoot a gun or drive an ATV will boost his self-esteem? Did I mention we don’t even OWN an ATV?

We had a little battle over this, and I posted this question on the ATN list-serves.... more

I love the feel of a child in my arms. One that isn’t hitting, kicking, biting, scratching or spitting that is. I have been known to spend hours with a baby in my arms just because I can’t stand to put them down.

I didn’t hold my kids near enough with my first “batch.” I didn’t realize how much they needed it, and they seemed too old for it. Mackenzie got plenty of cuddling because she was a beautiful little baby. I knew she needed to be held, and I did it every chance I could. I wish I had known how much my boys needed it.

I... more

I have been pondering this blog for a couple of weeks. Please bear with me, it will make sense in the end.

December 27, 2006 brought two big changes in my life. The first change was the addition of Hannah to our family. It is the day I picked her up and brought her home for good. The second was a fire that burned a part of my family memories. A bowling alley that was part of my family, and a large part of my memories, burned and it was a total loss.

So, what’s the big deal about... more

Sammy got braces on today. His foster mom met me there since the doctor’s office is half way for both of us. We had a good chance to talk while he was getting his braces on.

She said some things that I was happy to hear someone else confirm, and there were other things that shocked me. They were things that made me want to get my hopes up again, but at the same time I don’t know if I dare let myself hope again.

Some of the things she said were:

Sammy wants to come home. He was hoping he’d be home before school got out.... more