This was a saying that Hannah’s Mama J and Daddy T had taught the kids in response to declarations of love for inanimate objects such as a piece of clothing, ice cream, etc.

The irony of this comment became very obvious when we had “the talk” in February when Hannah learned that she would not be returning to their home, but that we would in fact be her new parents. She very quickly became detached and began to call them by their first names. This happened... more

Nancy and I had a discussion when she still lived in Illinois. We always had some really good talks while we were out walking her dogs. We were talking about my frustrations with Sammy and how “stuck” he was. She asked me what would make me feel successful as a parent in regard to his life. Hmmm, no one had ever asked me that before.

My response was that I would feel successful if he never went to jail. Her response was not what I expected her to say. She asked me how I was... more

So what if you are adopting your child from another state? Previous blogs have talked about how your visits and placement will go, but when interstate adoption is involved, things will progress differently.

Before you schedule a visit with your child, be sure to clarify whether this a pre-placement visit, or if this is simply to see if this a potential match. You do not want to go thinking that this child is going to be placed with you, only to find out that you are one of several families being considered.

You... more

In the months following the official placement of your child, you will be monitored by social services. These visits are not meant to be invasive, but rather to help you with any questions or concerns you might have, or even that your child might have.

Visits are usually done once or twice a month, you can ask for more visits if you feel that they are necessary. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Be honest about needs and concerns that you have. You can’t get help or access to services, if no one knows that you need... more

My previous blog talked about the first visit with your child. What about future visits?

Your second visit will probably take place in the foster home again. You may stay at the home during the visit, or possibly take your child out for lunch. Slowly you will begin to transition visits to your home. You can expect your child to want to see the rooms that were in the pictures. This visit will probably bring out some anxiety in your child. Plan a calm activity, such as coloring, or a board game, to help ease him into... more

The day you have waited for is finally here. Your visit with your child. I can’t tell you how your child will react to your visit. I went through two different extremes.

The first time we met our son Sammy, he was scared, and did not want to see us at all. He was in a home with his biological brother, and didn’t want to leave him. He spent the entire 2 hour visit in his bedroom, looking at us through a crack in the door. We barely saw his face.

When we met our foster son Kory, he was standing on the porch... more

I am sitting here waiting for the phone to ring, which has me thinking about family traditions. A horrible custody case for my 14 year old niece is taking place at this moment, and I am waiting to hear the outcome. I know what my niece wants because she has made her views quite clear.

She was not in our lives for the first seven years of her life because my brother chose to deny her existence. These last seven years have been ugly, but I have a beautiful niece that I adore. However, because of my brother’s poor choices, we... more

I was talking with a non adoption friend the other day (yes, I do have them) and she asked me a question. Did you ever think this is where you’d end up in your life?

Now, I have some very good “regular” friends that have nothing to do with adoption and foster care, but they try very hard to “get it.” Basically, if you’re going to be in my life, you’re going to at least have to TRY to get it. I’ve had too many other people in my life that didn’t and it was toxic to my kids, but that’s another blog.

This friend knows... more

Nancy and Cindy have been writing some great blogs on the importance of structure for adopted and special needs children. However…….. I’m going to throw a wrench in things. I want to talk about consistent inconsistency.

When I first heard this term it was an absolute head scratcher. What the heck does this mean? It’s about providing consistency and structure, but mixing things up a little... more

In order for a child to be legally placed from one state to another, an Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children, or ICPC, MUST be completed. Trying to by-pass this requirement will lead to whatever punishment the jurisdiction has in place. This could mean removal of the child from your home, loss of your foster care license, or the ability to adopt in the future.

The compact allows the sending state (the state in which the child currently resides) to receive home studies, and all documents that the receiving state (the state... more