One of the few sessions at the ATN conference that I was able to attend was given by Joe Lyons and Suzanne Allen of the Attachment Institute of New England (AINE). AINE is a fantastic group of four therapists who work together as teams. They really understand the kids and the parents that they work with. Joe and Suzy’s presentation talked about shame, which is a component that we often don’t think about with our kids. We have worked with various therapists, psychiatrists, counselors... more

One of the most maddening things about our kids is their ability or desire to sabotage what should be a fun event for themselves or the whole family.

Parents will plan a wonderful event such as a night out for the family, a party, or a special treat for the child, only to have the child increase the negative behaviors right before the event to put the family in a bad mood, or guarantee that the event will be cancelled or the child not attend.

This behavior can become less maddening once you understand the thought process behind it. Our children have lived... more

For most people, school is out or will be shortly. What do you do now that the kids are home all day?

For the first few weeks, most kids are happy to run, jump and play, but soon the cries of “I’m bored” kick in. With money being tight for everyone right now family vacations, summer camps and “field trips” will probably be difficult for most families.

The first thing I recommend is not the first thing that most people think of, but helps our kids retain what they have learned in school, in addition to helping to keep some structure in place. Continue... more

I had the ability to have a young boy in my home for the weekend. It was truly a pleasure to have him here, and I usually don’t say that about “respite” kids, but he is no ordinary respite kid.

This young man is in a difficult situation, and on the attachment and behavior spectrum, he’s quite mild to me. However, to his parents his issues are big.

To some parents the issues we are going through with Hannah right now are minor, but they trip my PTSD triggers from issues with Sammy that were much larger. Some parents might have been able to keep... more

Mother’s Day is a week from today. For most of us it will not be a good day. For those who don’t have children yet, it’s a reminder of that fact. For those of us with difficult children, it can be an awful day.

This will be my tenth Mother’s Day as Sammy’s mother and my second as Hannah’s mother. I was fortunate enough to have two Mother’s Days with Kory and one with Mackenzie. I have wonderful memories of the first one with Kory. He was so excited to have a mom and worked very hard to make the day great. He and Sammy each had $10 to spend on a... more

Following is a poem that Sammy wrote for me.

The Sound of Love

Some people say it differently Some people yell Some people scream Some people let out a whole bunch of steam Just to say I love you But my mom knows how She says it just right She always brings light to a dark room. Now I’m not scared of the boom that comes out when I get angry. My mom loves me & I love her.

By Sam I love (drawn with a heart) you mom.

I don’t know what prompted Sammy to... more

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Part 3

Our final set of questions will focus on the child’s behavioral and school issues, how the child feels about adoption and other miscellaneous questions.

Behavior

• What is personality and disposition... more

Part 1

Part 2

When it comes to physical and emotional health, you will have many questions about your child. Some questions can be answered. For others there may not be information available. Birth parents should fill out a family medical history, but not all parents do, and the information is only as reliable as the person filling it out.

The... more

Part 1

Our next set of questions will focus on the daily care of your child. Please bear in mind that these questions are written to encompass all age groups, and may not apply to your child.

Eating habits

• Large or small appetite?

• Likes or dislikes?

• Slow or fast eater?

• What are usual meal hours?

• Feeds self or needs help? Handles knife, fork and spoon well? Cup or glass?

• Are... more

Once you have been matched with a child, you will probably have a million questions and you will never be able to remember all of them.

Do not be afraid to ask questions. It is the only way you will gain knowledge about your child, and the knowledge you gain will help make your child’s transition easier. If you were moving to a country where you didn’t know anyone or anything and there were small things that were done such as having a pitcher of water next to your bed, or a nightlight in the hall to help you find your way, how would you feel? You can do... more