Should I stay or should I go? The lifelong question of parents everywhere. When dealing with a traumatized child, the best bet is to stay home as long as possible. Put yourself in your child’s place and think of you would feel coming to a new home, and starting in day care a few days later. You would be scared. Nothing is familiar. You don’t know these people or this house or community. Anxiety is the top emotion on the list. There are options to help you stay home with your child and help her feel safe and loved. Family Medical Leave

Covered... more

One of the foster moms on the adoption.com forum is transitioning her foster son to a placement with a biological family member.

Many people think that as a foster parent you don’t get attached to your foster children. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Foster parents love their children, no matter how long they are in their home. There are children that you may not have as strong of attachment to because of behavioral issues, but there are still emotions when a child leaves.

The... more

This is an interesting discussion on the adoption.com board, and there are some great answers.

The full question is:

Let's assume YOU made the rules, how long would you give biological parents to COMPLETE their case plan goals before you sent the case to TPR?

I know there can be all kinds of extenuating circumstances, but let's assume there are no insurmountable obstacles preventing the bios from completing... more

A fantastic report by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute is bringing awareness to some of the issues involved in transracial adoption and the need for parent education.

My friend, Elaine, has a very multi-cultural family and I love how this family works together and does not see the “differences” in each other. They are simply family.

I’m all for transracial adoption, don’t get me wrong. ... more

Back in Feburary I blogged about Maine’s plans to cut foster care and adoption stipends. The cuts go into effect on July 1, 2008.

These cuts will hit families much harder right now when everyone is struggling to make ends meet. Now parents of kids with special needs will likely have expenses increasing, while their incoming is decreasing. “Normal” parents are trying to make it with their income remaining stable. How are special needs parents going to make it with... more

Our kids are lucky. I know you’re staring at your computer screen right now wondering what I have been drinking or smoking in order to make such a statement, but it really is true.

While our kids have been through horrific things, and things that no child should ever go through, the fact is that for our kids there are resources.

Let me back up a little bit and explain my position. It started this morning as I was sitting in church. Our pastor tackled the tough subject of war and soldiers laying down their lives for us. It is a hard subject to talk... more

You may feel horrible if you feel like you don’t like your child, but we all go through it. Even parents of biological “emotionally healthy” kids feel it.

To prove that you are not alone, I don’t like Hannah very much right now. For the past six weeks we have had a string of behaviors that we haven’t seen before and it’s driving me crazy. We have tried all kinds of interventions and none of them are working.

So what do you do when you don’t like your child?

Tag team parenting – We do this often, but haven’t done much of it lately.... more

Once you get into the world of foster care and adoption, it becomes difficult to have friends who are not living the same type of life. The type of things that we deal with are so foreign to “normal” parents that you can tend to shy away from friends you used to find great comfort in.

The other night I had dinner with some of my best friends from high school. We have known each other for more than twenty years and have seen each other through the hardest moments of our lives. These friends have seen me through my abuse investigation, my struggles with Sammy,... more

A recent study out of Michigan is painting a pretty grim picture, and really it’s not that surprising. For children who leave foster care without having been adopted, life is more than difficult. The statistics show that the children, now young adults:

• Are twice are likely to be unable to pay their rent.

• Are three times more likely to be unemployed or not in school.

• Fewer than half had bank accounts.

• Jail time was served by... more

I’m one of those weird people who actually likes my in-laws. I actually knew my father-in-law before my husband. We had worked together for a while. When we lived in Dallas, my mother-in-law and I had season tickets to different theatre events.

A couple of years ago when things with Sammy really got bad and Sammy’s violence was increasing my mother-in-law told me that she loved Sammy but her first allegiance was to me.

That’s not to say that it’s always been rosy in our relationship. We have had some clashes over parenting Sammy, but at... more