Well, I heard from K’s birth mom just a few hours after I posted here yesterday, that I hadn’t heard from her in a while.

She called just to say HI, and to see how we are doing and if all is well. Yes, all is well with us, but I worry more about how life is with her.

Bmom has a three-month old baby now, and she lives alone in a small (taxpayer subsidized) apartment. She has no transportation and the only store within walking distance is a gas station. Unfortunately they also sell items that she calls... more

I’ve been waiting for a letter from my daughter’s birth mom but it hasn’t come. After she sent me the initial letter many weeks ago, asking me what I wanted from our open adoption, I replied, and now have been waiting for her to reply to mine.

She asked that we not discuss this over the phone. I’m sure she needs to have my thoughts down on paper, and I presume that writing it helps her think through her own feelings as well.

Maybe she is busy – after all she has a newborn, or maybe she is still thinking about what I said, and she doesn’t know how to respond, or maybe she is just waiting until... more

Over on the adoption.com Openness in Foster Care and Foster Adoption forum, there is a great discussion about how open should an open adoption be if you are worried about the birth family.

In foster-adoption, it is possible that the children have been taken away due to drugs, or violent behavior, but you are still expected to interact with the birth family, and support reunification unless rights are terminated.

I've found it a difficult and challenging balance at times.

One of the writers was asking if she should... more

Well you won’t believe it. The reason I hadn’t heard from K’s birthmom is she was writing a letter to me. And out of the blue I received that letter today. A complete front and back handwritten letter. Apparently she has been thinking a lot about our relationship and she wants to know what I expect from her.

Wow. What do I expect from my daughter’s birthmom. Nothing. I really don’t expect anything. Maybe a bit of privacy, but so far she has been very respectful, calling and asking, but not demanding, a visit with K.

I’m actually very touched that she would write a letter... more

I haven't heard from my daughter's birth-mom in a while. She has a newborn daughter about nine or ten weeks old now, so I'm sure she is busy. She used to call me several times per week and we'd have visits about once per week or so. There was concern that she wouldn't be able to look after this new daughter because of her emotional difficulties and mental disabilities. But she seems to be doing ok. At least I think so. I haven't heard from her.

Last time I didn't hear from her for over three weeks I called her. "How is everything?" "Fine" she answered. "Ok - good, well then, I'll talk to you... more