One of the few sessions at the ATN conference that I was able to attend was given by Joe Lyons and Suzanne Allen of the Attachment Institute of New England (AINE). AINE is a fantastic group of four therapists who work together as teams. They really understand the kids and the parents that they work with. Joe and Suzy’s presentation talked about shame, which is a component that we often don’t think about with our kids. We have worked with various therapists, psychiatrists, counselors... more

One of the most maddening things about our kids is their ability or desire to sabotage what should be a fun event for themselves or the whole family.

Parents will plan a wonderful event such as a night out for the family, a party, or a special treat for the child, only to have the child increase the negative behaviors right before the event to put the family in a bad mood, or guarantee that the event will be cancelled or the child not attend.

This behavior can become less maddening once you understand the thought process behind it. Our children have lived... more

Many children who come into foster care have issues with sleep. Usually it means that they do not want to sleep. Many of our children were hurt during the night or in their rooms, so the bedroom is not a safe place.

Children will lay awake at night to watch for the abuser, despite your claims that they will be safe. Trust and some attachment needs to happen before a child will be able to sleep. There are several things you can do to help your child.

Music or white noise – For some children, the silence of night time is scary. It helps... more

Thankfully, this is one issue that I have very little experience with. We dealt with it intermittently with Sammy, but not to the extent that other parents have. For that I am very grateful.

Many kids have issues with bodily fluids, and there are various reasons behind that. Some are medical, some are trauma related, and others are control issues. One of my favorite lines from Nancy Thomas is that you can’t control what goes in or out of a child. Oh, did I learn that, and do our kids ever know it.

Let’s discuss medical issues. Some kids have bodies... more

This has been a topic of discussion on both the Adoption.com groups and the ATN lists, so I figured it was a good topic to blog about.

Some kids have really poor hygiene. They may take a bath or shower, but not use soap. Some kids may not bathe at all for days, weeks, or months at a time. Some kids will wear the same clothes every day, or not bother to wash their clothes and just re-wear their dirty clothes.

For the most part, these behaviors are intentional. Occasionally, there... more

I absolutely love kids who tantrum. For whatever reason, I can totally turn off my anger emotion during this time. I don’t know why, but it becomes great fun for me.

Kids tantrum or rage for a variety of reasons. Some want your attention, some only know how to show emotion through anger, some kids are frustrated at not being able to communicate what they need, want or feel, or even when they are tired.

Tantrums are age appropriate in the two or three year old age bracket. One important thing to remember is where your child is at emotionally. If your child... more

One of the things that drives me the most crazy (yes, I am crazy) as a parent is incessant chatter from my kids. I am not alone in this, nor am I alone in having kids that do this.

Chatter is very common in kids who come from a traumatized background, or who have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). I’m not talking about the kind of talking where the child actually relays useful information to you. I’m talking about kids who will tell you everything they see, hear,... more