It is natural to assume that older or foster children who come into your home have holiday traditions. Unfortunately, that’s not the case with most kids. With an unstable life, and living who knows where over the years, they may not have celebrated holidays, or may not have been in one place long enough to develop a tradition.

When Sammy joined our family he said that he had never been trick or treating. When I received pictures from his biological grandmother, I saw that he had indeed been trick or treating, but apparently it did not leave an impression on him.

I... more

Today is Sammy’s adoption anniversary, or his “Gotcha Day.” Eight years ago we stood in front of the judge (who we later found out goes to our church) and vowed to care for this child. It is a bittersweet memory. Sammy was actually very excited for his adoption and was a very handsome and proud six year old in his little suit and tie.

If you had asked me eight years ago where I thought my family would be this isn’t even close to what I would have told you. I had a much more utopia type of life pictured. Boy was I ever wrong.

Some people ask if we would still... more

Hannah has not had a good afternoon. She’s only been home from school for a couple of hours and she’s been caught in several lies, caught sneaking food (she doesn’t normally do this, she always asks), had several meltdowns, etc. I am already drained today, so didn’t have much patience for this.

She is having a birthday party tomorrow, and knowing that many foster and adopted kids have difficulty with large parties, we have planned a small event of bowling with her best friend’s family. Apparently we had not adequately conveyed this.

About... more

My little girl turns six today, and so far it’s been a good day.

In our family one of your “perks” is that you get breakfast in bed and you get to choose what your breakfast is. Hannah chose “cupcakes” (which are really muffins) and chocolate milk.

Her birthday has fallen at a good time for her. She joined our family almost nine months ago, and has had to participate in every one else’s birthday before being able to get the perks of her own. My husband’s is in March, my... more

Someone on one of the lists posed a question.

What do you think my kids will say when they go back to school and the teacher asks what they did this summer?

She was referring to her emotionally healthy kids, possibly bringing up some of the craziness that can occur in a foster or adoptive home. You do run the chance with some of our kids, of them bringing up some interesting things.

Would your child say?

I had a visit with my birth mom and I don’t live with her anymore because she drinks and does drugs.

Would... more

By the time you read this, I will be happily relaxing and beginning to experience three hours worth of treatments at our local spa. I have hired a baby sitter, so I will have the time completely to myself.

I am treating myself to some pampering by getting a facial and a pedicure. Am I being selfish? Absolutely not!

In order for us to be good parents, we need to take care of ourselves. I devote a lot of energy to my kids, as well as to other foster and adoptive families. I do not take time for myself very often,... more

I am sitting here waiting for the phone to ring, which has me thinking about family traditions. A horrible custody case for my 14 year old niece is taking place at this moment, and I am waiting to hear the outcome. I know what my niece wants because she has made her views quite clear.

She was not in our lives for the first seven years of her life because my brother chose to deny her existence. These last seven years have been ugly, but I have a beautiful niece that I adore. However, because of my brother’s poor choices, we... more

The events of today reminded me of another part of holidays that we need to remember with our kids.

Hannah has been doing very well, so her meltdown today took me by surprise. It wasn’t a five year old temper tantrum. I could tell there was something emotional behind it.

I scooped her up and held her on the couch while she cried, until she was able to get the words to express her feelings.

It seems that in summer school they have been discussing the 4th of July, and it brought back memories of her first family.

This... more

For many of us the 4th of July brings back memories of hot dogs, fireworks, family picnics or swimming.

This may not be the case with our kids. If you have not begun to build family memories with your children, this may be their first experience with the holiday. It can be a hard time for any child, and if you have a child with sensory integration issues, the very things that we look forward to can cause anxiety for them.

Loud noises, bright lights and crowds can be hard on our kids, so how do you handle something you want... more

Lest you think I am a Willie Nelson fan, rest assured I am not, nor will I break out in song.

Hannah and I are headed off this afternoon for a week long trip to Kansas. Why would anyone want to go to Kansas you ask? Well, we will be visiting my friend, Nancy, the Reactive Attachment Disorder blogger. She’s been in Kansas for 18 months now, and I have yet to visit.

The initial plan for this trip was to provide some respite for... more