When it comes to terminating a placement, there are some big questions involved.

How/what do you tell the child?

This is the hardest part of the whole process. The kids know that they have bad behavior so trying to sugar coat things is not going to benefit anyone. The kids will see right through it. You can tell the child the truth without being harsh. When we talked with Hannah we approached it from the standpoint of what was best for her. We also talked to her as a group. It was my husband and me along with her previous parents. We told... more

There was a great set of questions posed on the adoption.com forums.

It seems that the placement of this child is not working out and the parents are going to ask for the child to be moved. This is a very difficult situation for everyone involved. The questions the poster asked are very valid and some that many parents have. How do you tell the social worker?

The best option is to be honest. Minimizing a child’s issues or what... more

The terms disruption and dissolution each have specific meanings, however, disruption is used interchangeably to cover both situations.

It is an extremely emotional decision for both the family, and the child, and not one to be taken lightly. Do not take a child into your home thinking “if it doesn’t work out, we can just disrupt.” The matching process should be done with extreme caution, and lots of thought. Every move that a child goes through, leaves emotional scars.

That being said, there are times when a disruption... more

I first met Stephen Hayes about a year and a half ago. We were looking at adopting a child who was coming from a disruption (not Hannah) and my friend, Elaine, referred me to him. After our initial phone conversation, I checked out the website of his law firm and found that Stephen Hayes had received the Angels in Adoption award in 2005.

When I first met Steve, we spent a little bit of time talking about the potential adoption, and what the... more

I haven’t blogged in a couple of days because our house has been in complete turmoil. Sammy was home on a pass for the weekend, and things did not go well. You may read the details here.

I was tense all weekend and kept Sammy within line of sight at all times, or in his room with the alarm on. The constant yo-yo that we are on with him has us contemplating the D word. I don’t mean divorce or Dallas, I mean disruption. Actually, in technical... more

Occasionally, a hoped-for, planned-for adoption doesn’t go through. Perhaps the parents changed their mind and parented their child; perhaps the child went to relatives. In foster adoption, the child may have been reunited with the biological family. Whatever the case, and even when you know the placement was not a sure thing, it can cause heartache and disappointment for you and your family.

Steps:

1. Allow yourself to grieve your loss.

2. Don’t be afraid to cry.

3. Treat yourself to some extra pampering. Consider massage, long walks or reading.

4. If you have other children, talk with them openly and allow them to express their... more

At the dessert party at our friends last night I met a lot of new people. One man and I got talking about all kinds of things when my friend walked by – are you talking about fostering?

Ah, no, should we be? We both looked at each other.

Yep.

Turns out he had been a foster adopt parent, but things took a bad turn for him after he tried to adopt a sibling group of four boys.

He already had four bio boys at home when we brought... more