So, anyway, he’s gone. (continued from part I )

In so many ways it is a relief. If you’ve been following this blog, you know I’ve been writing about creative ways to discipline.

Usually in the morning I’m pretty happy go lucky and creative. By the end of the day I’ve had enough with the tantrums from him. (to clarify, yes they are from the five year old foster son, and not my two year... more

Ricky has gone home. This is the second time in three years I’ve cried and watched him leave. The first time he came to live with us we didn’t have other children. I could spend 100% of my time caring for him. Loving him. Playing with him. Holding him.

When he left three years ago I cried because I loved him dearly. We were hoping to adopt, but quickly knew that wasn’t going to work out. Everyone thought he’d be adoptable, but the first time I met mom I knew she’d fight tooth and nail to get him back. That is a good thing. That is what all moms should do. And she proved everyone... more

Having Ricky here has been a very tumultuous month. Harder than I expected. Hard on me, hard on my family. Ricky was very jealous of K and I didn’t anticipate that.

He was our foster son three years ago, and he remembered. He kept going into K's room and yelling My Room My Room. And of course it was. - Three years ago. The room has been redecorated, but he still remembered.

In the evenings, during quiet time, I’d hold K, to get her ready for bed first, and Rick would come up and pull on her leg. Get Down, My Mimi, My Mimi. He wanted the attention. All... more

I’ve got a short break from Ricky today. His mom has moved to work release, and she’s come over to pick him up and take him to work with her. Good, I need the break.

It is peacefully quiet. I never thought I’d say that with my two year old, but she’s a breeze compared to the boy. I love Ricky, really I do. And we would adopt him. Keep him forever. But this going back and forth between our homes is going to stop now. Well, I mean after this stint is done. I can’t take it anymore.

I can see progress, every day he responds a tiny bit more. He knows and trusts us, and understands... more

Well, Our five year old foster boy, Rick , has today, taught our two year old daughter, K, how to climb on the car, (that is on the top of the car!) get up on the roof, (that is, climb out the window and up onto the roof), go under the crawl space and hide.

Today they’ve gotten into more trouble in one day, that my daughter gets into in a month. He has gotten into more trouble today than he did the whole summer he was here alone.

Together it’s a firestorm of TROUBLE!!! Whew...

My two and a half year old suddenly knows how to be a terrible two. She has gone from a wanting to please... more

I’d forgotten what it is like to bring a new child into our home. Especially an out of control, five year old, spoiled, very very loud, boy.

Opps. Maybe I’m not supposed to say what I'm thinking. That I'm supposed to be more understanding - at least when I'm writing about it.

Obviously it’s not the childs fault that he only knows how to eat on the floor, or run around with food in his hand and mouth, spilling juice along the way.

It isn’t the child’s fault that he screams and cries when I say, no, that he can’t have candy.

Or that he storms back out of the house slamming the door when I remind him that he has to take his muddy shoes off... more

Well, it has happened.

We’ve got Rick. (Links to past posts about Rick are below)

He’s doing pretty good. About every hour he says he misses his Mom, and fusses and cries, but well, I’d expect that. Rick is five, and has been in foster care before with us. We thought he'd be adoptable. Everyone said so, except the judge. He went home three years ago, but has been back with us again and again during tough times.

It must be scarey for him. We went to K’s music class this morning and he announced to everyone that he is staying with us because his mom... more

I just wrote an update on Rick a couple of days ago, (see below) and here I am again, writing another sad follow up.

I just got the call from Mom. She is going to jail for thirty days. Apparently the judge didn't take kindly to her being a repeat traffic offender. Driving without a license. Driving without insurance. .. I'm sure there is more but she only gives me sketchy details. The bottom line, will we take Rick?

The judge gave her a week to get her life in order before she has to surrender, and go to jail. Basically this means finding a place for Rick. Can he come stay with us?

Where... more

If you been following my updates on Rick, (links below to previous entries), the first foster adopt child we hoped to keep, you’ll know that I’ve kept in touch with the family, three years after Rick went home to Mom.

It has been an up and down struggle for them. Mostly because Mom plays victim to everyone and everything around her. She takes NO responsibility for her life. Whenever she has troubles, she calls and tells me who has done what TO her, and although I try to support, send her to services, and encourage her to get counseling, she disappears out of site, only to call again... more

Over on the adoption.com Openness in Foster Care and Foster Adoption forum, there is a great discussion about how open should an open adoption be if you are worried about the birth family.

In foster-adoption, it is possible that the children have been taken away due to drugs, or violent behavior, but you are still expected to interact with the birth family, and support reunification unless rights are terminated.

I've found it a difficult and challenging balance at times.

One of the writers was asking if she should... more