It is not unusual for children who have been through trauma to have mixed up memories of the trauma. I have seen and heard of many cases where a foster or traumatized child has accused the current parents of something that the birth parent did to them.

These are young children who have been through horrible things. Hannah used to tell me stories about what her biological aunt did to her. When I spoke with her previous mom, I discovered that these are the things that he her birth mother did to her. They happened, but her memories are mixed up as to who the... more

Many people underestimate kids and exactly how much they understand. Live with a traumatized child for a little while and you will change your tune.

Our kids understand so much and have incredible internal clocks that signal changes or significant dates to them. Many times we may not know or understand what the dates are for them.

The first few years that Sammy was in our family, we celebrated his move in date with our family. It didn’t take long for us to figure out that this was a bad decision. Sammy’s behavior began to escalate around that time, even... more

Over the weekend we were camping at a campground that I camped at many times when I was a kid. Friday night I was sitting outside by the campfire by myself toasting marshmallows. Yes, I am almost 40 years old, but I still love it.

While I was out there, I had a flood of memories come back about all the times that we had camped there before. I remembered how the mom of one of my friends would toast her marshmallows charred black on the outside and raw on the inside. We camped in big groups of ten or fifteen families at a time, and I remembered how we... more

I had the ability to have a young boy in my home for the weekend. It was truly a pleasure to have him here, and I usually don’t say that about “respite” kids, but he is no ordinary respite kid.

This young man is in a difficult situation, and on the attachment and behavior spectrum, he’s quite mild to me. However, to his parents his issues are big.

To some parents the issues we are going through with Hannah right now are minor, but they trip my PTSD triggers from issues with Sammy that were much larger. Some parents might have been able to keep... more

Sammy called for his twice weekly phone call. He had a pretty deep question that is a tough one even for adults.

The center that Sammy is in is Christian based, which ranks high on the plus side for me. His call had much to do with a deeply theological question, but at the same time it’s a tough question for kids who have been through what our kids have.

Sammy asked me why I don’t forgive my mother. Well, that’s a loaded question. I told him that forgiving and trusting are two entirely different things. I said that I somewhat understand why she did... more

One of the worst forms of child abuse, in my opinion, is emotional abuse. I’m not saying that other forms of abuse are “easier” or “better” but dealing with emotional abuse is very hard for a child and can be one of the hardest to ever get over, but many people downplay it saying that they’re only words, how can they hurt?

The National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect defines emotional abuse as:

"acts or omissions by the parents or other caregivers that have caused, or could cause, serious behavioral, cognitive, emotional, or mental... more

Part of living with a child like Sammy is that you get used to your child expressing emotions in the form of a “big bomb”. Sammy would let us know that something was bothering him in various ways. It usually involved property damage, violence, or self-mutilation.

This is bad on various different levels, but it is hardest on Hannah. She has not had to witness his explosions, but she has lost out in other ways. I anticipated that Christmas would be tough for her. Partly because it’s the first Christmas in our home and partly because tomorrow is the... more

My in-laws were in town this past weekend and had a wonderful time with Hannah. This was the first time they had met her, and the first time they had spent time with a happy, emotionally healthy grand child.

In Nancy’s analogy of zebras vs. horses, she says

…. but the child's tendency to be the first to startle and the last to relax will always remain.

This became very apparent with Hannah this past weekend. Her trauma stripes showed in subtle ways. To the average... more

How long does it take for a foster child to get over the trauma of their early abuse or neglect? This is a question I am pondering. I have been blogging about my own abuse, and I’ve been very honest about what happened to me.

This past weekend, when I was at my women’s retreat, I was talking to a friend who goes to a different church than I do. They are dealing with the issue... more

In my previous blog, I posted the “story” that Sammy wrote about his life with attachment disorder.

There were some positive things in it. The fact that he acknowledged his current situation of being in trouble with the law and being in a treatment foster home is about as close as we get to him taking responsibility for his actions.

It is also the first time that he has put into the words the fact that he doesn’t trust people. He has never verbalized... more