I had the ability to have a young boy in my home for the weekend. It was truly a pleasure to have him here, and I usually don’t say that about “respite” kids, but he is no ordinary respite kid.

This young man is in a difficult situation, and on the attachment and behavior spectrum, he’s quite mild to me. However, to his parents his issues are big.

To some parents the issues we are going through with Hannah right now are minor, but they trip my PTSD triggers from issues with Sammy that were much larger. Some parents might have been able to keep... more

Sammy called for his twice weekly phone call. He had a pretty deep question that is a tough one even for adults.

The center that Sammy is in is Christian based, which ranks high on the plus side for me. His call had much to do with a deeply theological question, but at the same time it’s a tough question for kids who have been through what our kids have.

Sammy asked me why I don’t forgive my mother. Well, that’s a loaded question. I told him that forgiving and trusting are two entirely different things. I said that I somewhat understand why she did... more

One of the worst forms of child abuse, in my opinion, is emotional abuse. I’m not saying that other forms of abuse are “easier” or “better” but dealing with emotional abuse is very hard for a child and can be one of the hardest to ever get over, but many people downplay it saying that they’re only words, how can they hurt?

The National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect defines emotional abuse as:

"acts or omissions by the parents or other caregivers that have caused, or could cause, serious behavioral, cognitive, emotional, or mental... more

Part of living with a child like Sammy is that you get used to your child expressing emotions in the form of a “big bomb”. Sammy would let us know that something was bothering him in various ways. It usually involved property damage, violence, or self-mutilation.

This is bad on various different levels, but it is hardest on Hannah. She has not had to witness his explosions, but she has lost out in other ways. I anticipated that Christmas would be tough for her. Partly because it’s the first Christmas in our home and partly because tomorrow is the... more

My in-laws were in town this past weekend and had a wonderful time with Hannah. This was the first time they had met her, and the first time they had spent time with a happy, emotionally healthy grand child.

In Nancy’s analogy of zebras vs. horses, she says

…. but the child's tendency to be the first to startle and the last to relax will always remain.

This became very apparent with Hannah this past weekend. Her trauma stripes showed in subtle ways. To the average... more

How long does it take for a foster child to get over the trauma of their early abuse or neglect? This is a question I am pondering. I have been blogging about my own abuse, and I’ve been very honest about what happened to me.

This past weekend, when I was at my women’s retreat, I was talking to a friend who goes to a different church than I do. They are dealing with the issue... more

In my previous blog, I posted the “story” that Sammy wrote about his life with attachment disorder.

There were some positive things in it. The fact that he acknowledged his current situation of being in trouble with the law and being in a treatment foster home is about as close as we get to him taking responsibility for his actions.

It is also the first time that he has put into the words the fact that he doesn’t trust people. He has never verbalized... more

There are anniversaries of things that are very hard for us as adults. The same goes for our kids. They have these amazing internal clocks that let them know when the anniversary is, even if they don’t realize what it is the anniversary of.

Today is a biggie in our family. It’s the day, four years ago, when my kids were removed. This affects Sammy greatly. My husband and I are handling it much better, but it’s still a major trigger for Sammy. He doesn’t need to look at a calendar to know when it is. It happened the first day of school.

We had gone through... more

We have had some amazing things happen while we are in Kansas. One of them has been seeing Hannah show that she is developing a conscience. It is a neat thing, and it blows me away because Sammy is now 14, and that development has still not happened in him.

Last night, Hannah was running around the house, which she was told not to do, and ended up breaking a statute. She immediately began to meltdown, but out of guilt.

We processed how to accept responsibility, how to make a sincere apology, and how to offer restitution.... more

My blog is late today because I spent a good portion of the day in the car, and at doctors appointments.

Sammy got the molds made for the braces he’s going to be getting, and Hannah had to go in for a strep throat test.

Hannah had the classic symptoms of fever, swollen glands and hurting when she swallows. So, off to the doctor it was.

None of these things should be traumatic, should they? However, with our kids nothing is as simple as it should be.

Hannah was sexually abused orally by a biological relative.... more