Quite often parents ask “How do you know when your child is attached?” There is no cut and dry answer for this. There are too many variables at play. How old is the child, what type of attachment issues does the child have (anxious, ambivalent, confused) how severe is the attachment disorder and so on.

Both Sammy and Hannah are attached, but in very different ways, and that’s not to say that we don’t have attachment and trauma issues come up at various times.

I’ll start with Sammy since his attachment doesn’t always look like attachment. Sammy loves... more

Desperate Housewives is tackling an interesting storyline.

One of the main characters, Tom, has a daughter, Kayla, with a woman prior to his wife, Lynette. Lynette only recently learned about the daughter. Kayla’s mother was killed in a bank robbery in a previous season and Kayla does not like her step-mom. Not too unusual in a night time drama. What is making this “interesting” is that the story line is showing the anger of Kayla and manipulation along with allegations of child abuse.

I’m... more

The last week or so with Hannah has been horrid. She has exhibited behaviors we have never seen before and has cranked up some behaviors that hadn’t been around for a while.

For several months Hannah has been a fun kid to be around so her behaviors took me a little bit by surprise. When they continued for several days I knew something was bothering her, but she wasn’t ready to talk about it.

Unfortunately, we are all too familiar with this issue since this is how Sammy chose to deal with emotional issues. It is not uncommon in foster and adopted kids... more

You have waited so long for this child to enter your life, what if you’re not feeling the love?

It’s OK. You may not love your child at first, and your child may not love you. You are both going through major adjustments in your lives. Love is an emotion. You can not MAKE someone feel anything, nor can you make yourself feel something. If we could all force emotions on someone, the world would be a much happier place.

Allow everyone to get used to all the changes. One Mom told me that when her son first came, he called them Mommy and Daddy, but... more

One of my readers commented on a post about Hannah and asked if I had ever dealt with RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder).

Three of the four kids that I have parented have had attachment issues in one form or another. Sammy has by far been the most severe.

The main issue was not knowing about attachment disorder when we first started parenting. When Sammy was first placed in our home almost nine years ago, there were no training classes, and there... more

One of the main things with our kids is that they need to feel safe. This is something that Hannah and her previous family said often. When she moved into our home, we told her on a regular basis that it was our job to keep her safe.

I actually started this with Hannah when she first came here as a “respite kid.” She was within my line of sight at all times, I put an alarm on her bedroom door to let her know if anyone entered her room, and I did not fall into her games.

A feeling of safety is one of the ways that you can tell a child is attaching... more

I have heard from many parents that one of the things that drives them crazy is when children become “clingy.” Having been through that with Hannah, I can agree.

There are times when you just want some time alone. When you are in the bathroom, you don’t want a little person following you in or pounding on the door asking when you are done. A moment’s peace is a precious thing.

There are several things that can cause a child to become clingy.

The biggest issue is anxiety or fear. Kids who have moved a lot or who have been neglected... more

My husband is a bit of a sports nut. OK, he’s actually sports obsessed. He’ll watch just about any sport at any time. The thing that can make this fun is that my husband and I do not cheer for any of the same teams. He grew up in Texas and is loyal to his Texas teams. I stick with my Wisconsin teams.

This has also become interesting with our kids. Much to my chagrin, my kids usually side with their dad. Hannah cheers for the Green Bay Packers, but other than that whatever team Daddy roots for is the... more

When you do foster care or adopt from foster care, you never know what age child is going to enter your home. You can specify ages on your application, but that does not mean you’re going to get calls for that age range only.

Many people want babies or toddlers because they feel that they have a better chance of getting a child without any “issues”. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. A friend of mine took placement of a four month old little girl, and she was the girl’s fourth (and last) placement.

This little girl had already started to... more

It’s the beginning of the year and most people are making resolutions. Personally, my resolutions are to get healthy, yes that means weight loss, and to get organized. I’ve made these a few years in a row, so you can tell I’m not the best at it.

Do you have New Year’s resolutions? Do your kids?

One of the things with our kids is that there are so many changes that they need to make in their lives that it can be overwhelming. When Sammy and I talked about this at one point, I told him to pick one thing that he really wanted to change and to work on that.

Imagine... more