Sammy moved to a new treatment foster home on Friday. I had not met or talked to the new foster parents before his move. I had a bible study class in Madison Friday and Saturday and his new home is in Milwaukee. I made a call and asked if I could stop in on the way back from my class to meet the new foster parents and see where he’s living. Fortunately, they were able to accommodate me.

I was pleasantly surprised. There are three adults in the house that work together. There are three boys besides Sammy. I got a brief tour of the house and saw the boys working... more

Pat has been Sammy’s foster mom for the past seven months. She has been a gem to work with. We have not had any conflicts and have been in agreement with how to handle Sammy on every occasion.

Pat has been dealing with special needs and foster kids for over thirty five years. She started out as a social worker, then became a supervisor, then worked in a group home, and now is doing treatment foster care.

She has seen the progression of issues in kids. At one point when we were talking she said that the worst kid on her caseload thirty years ago wouldn’t... more

We had our monthly team meeting today and a small birthday celebration for Sammy. We knew this was not going to be a good meeting, but some things were worse than I expected.

Sammy is increasing the number of altercations with another boy in the treatment foster home, and if they become physical again, the police will be called. My husband and I are in agreement with this.

In addition, Sammy stole a piece of jewelry from the foster mother. She said it was only about a $20 value, but that’s not the issue. He... more

I first heard this saying from Nancy Spoolstra a couple of years ago, but it sums up our relationship with Sammy so well.

Sammy had an orthodontist appointment yesterday. I met his foster mother and him there to see how his progress was. It was the first time I had seen him since the disastrous home pass on Memorial Day weekend. When he entered the waiting room and saw me there, he broke out... more

We have equated Sammy coming home on weekend passes with a tornado coming through our home. Today is no exception.

Sammy was home for 3 hours when I discovered him in my office, which is a major No No in my house. I searched his pockets and found a cigarette lighter on him. This has been a problem for years. He finds them everywhere, and I believe he actively searches for them as well.

This led me to search his room where I found a small knife, and underneath the mattress I found a couple of porn magazines and some cigars he... more

If I told you that I got a good report on my son, what would you think? Would you think that I had someone tell me how well he is doing, that he’s passing his classes, and his behavior is exemplary? Or would you think that I received a psychological report that is totally on target?

In my home a “good” report is the latter kind. I have received several reports in the mail in the last few days. Two from the treatment foster care “company” and four from the residential treatment center that Sammy was in prior to moving into treatment... more

Sammy got braces on today. His foster mom met me there since the doctor’s office is half way for both of us. We had a good chance to talk while he was getting his braces on.

She said some things that I was happy to hear someone else confirm, and there were other things that shocked me. They were things that made me want to get my hopes up again, but at the same time I don’t know if I dare let myself hope again.

Some of the things she said were:

Sammy wants to come home. He was hoping he’d be home before school got out.... more

We had a treatment team meeting today to discuss Sammy’s future and what we saw as his needs for treatment.

This is the most positive meeting I have been to in a very long time. Mostly because the team was on the same page. I had several people backing up my statements, concerns and questions.

Any time you enter any type of treatment, you are asked to list your goals for treatment. This can be difficult, and even with all the things I have been through with Sammy, I still sought input from my friends. I posed this question on the... more

Our family is entering into unfamiliar territory. Sammy transitioned to a treatment foster home 2 weeks ago.

In the foster home there is a single mother who is probably in her late 50s or early 60s, and she has a female helper who lives there in her own “apartment”. These women are now the primary caregivers of my son.

I knew how to handle relationships when Sammy was in residential placement. The rules were very structured and outlined in writing ahead of time. Now he is in a home setting. Life is far different.

In... more

Hannah is doing much better today, and was very excited to go visit Sammy. We went to the treatment foster home that he is in, which was our first visit since his placement on Friday.

This placement will test some of the issues that are very difficult for him. For starters, there is a single mother as the care giver. He has always had difficulty with women as authority figures, and his biggest conflicts are with me when I hold him accountable. The other thing that’s going to be interesting is that there are 3 other boys... more