The Hard Truth and the Good News

January 9th, 2014

Quite frequently when someone learns that we formed part of our family through Foster-to-Adopt, they will shake their heads and say, "I couldn't do it. Are they okay?" Let me translate that phrase for you. It means, "I won't do it and you shouldn't have either."  Usually this is someone who has watched a lot of television shows about troubled kids (who seem too often to be adopted) or they have a friend or relative with a challenging child. The hard truth of foster care is that kids who lose their original families -- for any reason, even "good" ones -- have emotional scars. How big those scars are is due in part to their experience but also has a lot to do with their own personal psychological makeup. You can't… [more]

The Face of a Birth Parent

November 17th, 2013

Warning:  This one is not for the kids. Here is the story of someone I know, we'll call her "June". I don' t know her well, but oddly, I know these things about her: June's parents split up when she was in grade school. Her mom had a lot of boyfriends through the years and when June was 13, one of them raped her. Several others raped her in the next couple of years. By the time June was 15, she was pregnant and fed up.  She dropped out of high school,  married the baby's father and moved in with him. The relationship had problems and before long, CPS was involved. CPS took the baby. Neither parent was situated to raise this child so her paternal grandmother took her in. Now June is… [more]

The Waiting Game

October 17th, 2013
Posted By: on Foster Adoption

3307712358_6b372b503aMy husband and I have been talking and decided that we would like to adopt a second child from foster care. I have spoken with the agency that I went through and got information on how to update our homestudy. Since we have adopted a child, it would pretty much be like starting over and doing all the paperwork again. Of course, that part of it can be a little bit tedious gathering all the information and going through the visits with the social worker doing our homestudy. But the part of it I don’t like so much, is the waiting. Waiting for the social worker to contact you to set up a time to come out and do your visit… [more]

The Ghost of Foster Care (Goes to School)

October 16th, 2013

TInker SassyOur little Miss, Tinker, has just completed her first nine weeks of school. I haven't seen her "marks" yet, but I can assure you, school is an arena of success for the little monkey.  Only one day out of the 45 so far has she said "I don't want to go" -- and she had a terrible cold. Even so, she changed her mind mid-morning and begged me to take her! (I did not, of course!) She loves school, she respects her teacher, she adores her pod-mates and she even loves aftercare. In fact, on several occasions, I have gone to pick her up early from aftercare only to have her complain that I'd arrived too early! Don't get me wrong; there… [more]

Reality Continues

October 1st, 2013

217129_brokenheartThis post started out to be "Reality - Continued" but the real story here is that reality does, in fact, continue. This is a continuation of my story of "Frank," a local older teen boy. Frank entered the shelter of the voluntary program on a Wednesday night. The social worker assured me they would be on top of things to be able to give him some stability as soon as possible.  On Thursday, they got in touch with Frank's parents, who agreed to sign over guardianship to the foster organization, effectively removing themselves from his life. I wanted them to fight for him. They didn't. I think it was a very heartbreaking moment for him. He returned to the shelter to await… [more]

Reality – Ouch

September 28th, 2013

This is going to be a little off topic. It really doesn't fit into my particular blog scope but it's a story worth telling. On a Sunday night I was home with all but my eldest daughter (Pepper) and my second daughter got a frantic message from one of Pepper's male friends. We will call him Frank. "Help. It is not safe for me to stay in my home. I need to leave. Can you help me?" Of course dear hubby went straight out and picked up this teenager, a frequent visitor in our home. When he arrived, I explained that Pepper was sitting for a neighbor, but I'd do what I could to help him. I cautioned him, however, that if he had been the victim of violence, I would be… [more]

Things Have Changed!

September 24th, 2013
Posted By: on Foster Adoption

6355360253_30e095425d_qMy family has celebrated a year together as an adoptive family this past weekend. Things are starting to feel normal and we are just one regular family. My daughter asked me, are we going to have any more children?  I said with a chuckle “We”, but I knew what she meant. I told her that her dad and I have planned on adopting another child from foster care just like her. We told her that we would like to adopt a boy no older than the age of eight. So this week I decided that I will call the agency that I worked with to see what the next steps were. After speaking with them I found out my husband and… [more]

Will they Ever be OURS?

September 19th, 2013
Categories: Nature vs Nurture

DSCN7615We are a visible family. We have 5 kids and not one of them looks like me (although a couple of them act like me!).  It's obvious that they're "ours" and that we adopted them. Our visibility opens the door to a lot of questions; it goes with the territory. People wonder about a lot of things, but one of the biggest (to them) is this: Will they be "ours?" I now know that this is code for - "What if they are too different from you?" This is a hard topic for an adoptive mom to tackle. We never expected our kids to be carbon copies of us. We aren't that "live vicariously through your kids" couple. We were grateful that our girls did not get my… [more]

Celebrating One Year Since Placement!!!!

September 18th, 2013
Posted By: on Foster Adoption

5798335292_635e407540_q[1]Just a year and a half ago my husband and I were trying to adopt from foster care. We had a failed adoption 1 year prior to that so we were trying to be cautious on how we move forward.  We decided that we would not be in a rush and take our time to see what God has in store for us. We got matched within a month of our home study being updated with a six year old girl. Her behavioral needs were pretty great so much so that it would have required for her parent(s) to be accessible to pick her up from school when they called. I know that this was not the situation for my husband… [more]

Ready to adopt again!

September 6th, 2013
Posted By: on Foster Adoption

Blog Post 7 - Ready 2 Adopt Again!Adopting from foster care has its many challenges however it can be a rewarding experience for both you and the child or children that you end up adopting. My husband and I were so glad to have the adoption finally finalized and finished. The process started with nine weeks of classes that discussed the types of children in foster homes, the types of adoption, the different situations the kids may have faced, and also the process of adopting. I remember getting this big booklet of information and a thick stack of papers for my husband and me to fill out. I must say that it was quite overwhelming at first to see all the… [more]