Foster Adoption

I was adopted at age 18 months by my foster parents. They had received me as a foster child at age 4 months and in the 1970's, foster parents weren't encouraged to adopt the children they cared for so this was an anomaly at that time. My parents continued to take foster children my entire time growing up at home and my Mom is still a foster parent today (she has been for 37 years).  I am the only child they adopted. They told me that once they got to keep me, it was easier to let go when it was time for other children to move on or return home. I always wanted to adopt a child to have the… [more]

I was driving my ten-year-old somewhere this week, and he piped up from the backseat, "It's kind of like you're my birth mom." At a stoplight I turned around with a huge smile on my face and said, "That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me!" We started fostering Justin and his two older siblings when he was sixteen months old and they were eight and five. Two years later, we adopted all three. Even though he is the only one that has no conscious memories of the birth parents, he has been the only one to obsess over being adopted. He has worried that it makes him different. He has worried that he doesn't look like us. That one is almost… [more]

It's official!  The Captain is 6.  He came to us just over 3 years ago, two weeks short of his 3rd birthday.  It sounds cliche, but the time has flown! In many respects, he is a normal boy.  He loves active games and Legos.  He loves to run, play, fidget and make a bit of mischief. He loves his siblings and -- this is new -- his parents. He has made so much progress.  He is making huge strides in speech with only a few niggling issues to clear up.  He is learning along with his kindergarten class although at his own pace.  He can do auditory tasks we only dreamed of a year ago.  He has learned to count to… [more]

This month we will celebrate 3 years since the "Littles" came to live with us.  I got lots of help and advice before they arrived.  Here's my top ten of things that made those first days easier: Be prepared: 1 - Have their rooms ready, beds made 2 - Ask sizes and have at least a few outfits at the ready; don't buy a lot as they may come with things, their sizes may be wrong, or the styles you choose may not work for that child. Even if you normally buy "new," consider thrift shops until you become better acquainted. 3 - Plan several main meals and if time allows, prepare and freeze several 4 - Clear your calendar of all non-essential activities for… [more]

Yesterday I was talking to my support partner about our little ones.  He, per usual, listened attentively and then repeated something I had said, asking me to listen to my own words.  "Tell me what you hear," he said: "I am afraid that I cannot love them enough to fix what is broken in them." Hmmm.  I said,  "Well, it's not true that they are broken. They don't need "fixed."  They have been terribly hurt, for certain.  They have suffered and some of what has happened to them cannot be undone.  I can support them and love them and advocate for them. But by the same token, these challenges are what make us who we are, what make us strong, what make us unique." "That's… [more]

Well, it finally happened.  The Captain's Kindergarten teacher called me in with concerns about his progress.  The gap between The Captain and his classmates has finally grown wide enough that it has raised her concern. She said, "I'm calling you in to let you know that I am concerned about The Captain's progress and I have started a red folder for him."  (A red folder is an actual thing, a red folder, identifying the student as one with learning issues; eventually he will have a 504 plan to go in that red folder.) I didn't know quite what to say. "Thank you?" It's been clear to those of us on the inner circle for some time that this sweet boy is not going to be… [more]

Yesterday Dear Hubby and I met with The Captain's attachment therapist.  Between the three of us, we have decided to suspend his therapy for now.  I can hardly believe I am writing these words! Sometime around Thanksgiving, I realized The Captain is definitely attached to me.  He makes regular eye contact, he looks at me when he is uncertain, he runs to meet me off the bus, he's a love bug.  Over the holidays, he showed a lot of affection to Daddy, too, which is new for him. While he still has issues to deal with in therapy, we are postponing those until he is better at talking.  He has symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) but we really need him to talk… [more]

Well here they are.  Aren't they glorious? I call them the Fab Five, Team Tischler, The Triple Threat and Double Trouble, the Love Bunch and each and every one of them "sweetie."  Yes, I'm a softie. I'm the parent who says, "Oh, she didn't mean it," or "He just didn't understand [that you didn't want him to dismantle the train track you spent 5 hours assembling, etc.].  I'm the one who has to be physically restrained if someone criticizes one of my kids.  Yes, I'm that Mom.  I'm the mom who cries in every ARD meeting, who cries at dance recitals, and who cheers embarrassingly loud at softball games.  I'm the mom who would let all 5 of my kids… [more]

If you follow my blog, you'll recognize that The Captain has the most "school type" issues.  He's often very well behaved at school; it's the learning issues we are working through.  Surprisingly, his PTSD and attachment issues seem to be okay in this environment; I think the big difference between the last two years and this is that he isn't attached to this teacher and so doesn't feel so threatened by the attention she pays to other kids.  Having a class 3 times larger clearly helps; all in all, behavior-wise, it's going well. He has what can best be described as "un-diagnosed learning issues."  We spend a lot of time at doctors and taking tests but most of the… [more]

On November 17, we celebrated National Adoption Day.  In our home, it's the day in which we celebrate the adoption of all 5 of our children.  Some years it's a big party, this year, it was a little toned down.  It was a busy week in our household and I was on my second week of being pretty darn sick.  The kids did not care. For us, Adoption Day is also about awareness.  We celebrated through the week as I went to both The Captain's and Tinker's classes to share a book and a little chat about adoption.  This year's book was, I Wished for You.  This is a heartwarming story about Barley Bear who looks a little different from his… [more]